I Hold With Those Who Favor Fire
by cwc72906
Summary: Bella returns back home to Forks, after spending that last two years in Jacksonville with her mother, Renee. She returns in hopes to find who she is and fill the piece of her that's been missing. Upon her arrival, she discovers that some things have changed while others will always remain the same. RATED M FOR SEXUAL CONTENT AND LANGUAGE.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own any recognizable characters from the Twilight Saga Series. Stephanie Meyers is the proud owner of them all.

A/N: This story takes place two years after BD wedding when Bella returns to her hometown of Forks.

**CHAPTER 1**

**_I glanced at the road ahead to see the all too familiar welcoming sign that read: "You are now entering Forks."_**

**_I sighed heavily, taking a drink from my now cold coffee, and turning the radio up as loud as I could stand it. This was how I chose to drown out my thoughts, and overwhelming anxieties about returning home._**

**_It had been two long years since I had graced my fathers front door. Two years since I had driven these roads. Two years since I had run out on my own wedding and landed on my mothers door step in Jacksonville, Florida. _****_It was never something I had planned to do. Never something I thought I would ever do. _**

**_To this day, I still felt an immense amount of guilt for my selfish actions. Guilt that troubled me to the point of needing actual therapy to somewhat recover from. _**

**_Edward had never seen it coming. No one had. _**

**_There I was, standing in front of him with all our friends and family watching and waiting for me to say "I Do" When the minister had asked so of me. But I couldn't. _**

**_I wasn't ready to be married at eighteen. I wanted to do more and see more, have a chance to discover who I was before sealing my fate so drastically to him. _**

**_Call me selfish... I did..._**

**_Call me crazy... yea... I've been called that, too. _****_But in the end, it was my life and my choosing. _**

**_As hard as it was for me to break things off with Edward, I did it. As hard as it was for me to see the disappointed looks on the Cullen's faces, I went through with it. _**

**_I had to leave right away. Immediately after, for fear that I would slip back into my zombie state like before If I didn't. _****_The absence of Edward was hard for me to deal with at first but I knew I had to face it. _****_I wouldn't do that to Charlie again, I just couldn't. It wasn't fair._**

**_I made a choice then to leave everything behind and start new again in Florida with my mother and Phil. _**

**_Leaving Charlie was the hardest part for me. But I made him a promise that we would speak each day until I returned to him and I was good to keep my word. Despite the many miles of distance between us, our relationship remained in tact and felt stronger than ever to me._**

**_A horn honked loudly from behind me and I hit the gas. _****_I was no longer driving the old truck from before. Once I got settled into life with mom and Phil again, they bought me a new truck. A brand new black Chevy Colorado._**

**_To say I was shocked to come home one afternoon, after a long day of classes that I attended at Jacksonville University, to see it sitting there with a big red bow on it, was a vast understatement._**

**_At first, I tried to convince her to please take it back. While I was exceedingly grateful, I also knew just how damn much a new truck like that could cost a person. But they would hear nothing of the sort and insisted I keep it as a gift. So I graciously did and thanked her a million times over for it._**

**_I rounded the bend, seeing the old familiar street where Charlie lived now coming into plain view. I slowed down a bit, creeping along the road before signaling my turn. _****_The familiar short stretch of road had not changed at all in my two year absence. Odd as it may sound, this came as a comfort to me, as I slowly pulled into my old driveway._**

**_I stared at the house now in front me again. The familiar but slightly faded shudders, and the green steps that led up to the front door were still in place. The shrubs around the front, still there. Nothing had really changed. Nothing seeming out of it's place._**

**_I glanced down at my watch, noticing it was just about time for Charlie to get home from his shift. _****_He had known I was coming back home for a while. The exact amount of time though, I wasn't so sure of myself._**

**_I got out of my truck and grabbed my luggage, quickly running up the steps when I felt the drizzle begin to start. _****_I had missed a lot of things about this town, however the constant cold and rain was certainly not one of them._**

**_My arms were full, kneeling in front of the door to remove the spare house key from under the welcome mat. Charlie always kept it there. That hadn't changed either._**

**_I unlocked the door and dropped my heavy luggage to the floor, my arms growing tired from the weight of them all. I_****_ slowly heard the door squeak, as I shut it behind me and looked around at my old home. _**

**_I saw that things were in the same place as they were before and was a taken back by how clean it was, to be honest. Charlie had never been one to clean religiously. Though it certainly appeared he was that way now. _**

**_I moved my bags away from the door and threw my shoes off before venturing into the kitchen for a bottle of water from the fridge. I stopped short when I saw the now dozens of photos that covered the fridge door. All of them new. Ones of Renee and I that we had sent him last year. Ones of Sue Clearwater and Charlie. They were all nice photos. But the one that made my breath hitch was the new picture of my father and Jacob together. _**

**_I slowly reached up and took the photo in my hand. Seeing how he had changed in the last few years._**

**_ He looked bigger, if that was even possible, but not a day older. His face still as young and as handsome as it ever was. His dark blue dress shirt accentuating his muscular physique. In his hand was what looked like a diploma. One that he held up with a proud smile on his face. My father with his hand on his shoulder and a matching grin._**

**_ A small smile formed on my lips as I thought of him graduating. I was proud of him. I always would be._**

**_ I felt the familiar longing return for my former best friend as I stared down at this photo._**

**_I hadn't seen or spoken to Jacob in the two years I was gone. He did call me soon after I left. _****_I was waiting to board my plane to Jacksonville when I heard his call come through on my cell. I didn't have it in me then to answer it. It was a cowardly way to handle it. I regretted a lot about that, too._**

**_Jacob had even called Renee about a dozen times or more in the weeks following my arrival there with them. I never had the heart to take his call on my cell or hers. So I let it be and time eventually crept by._**

**_Weeks turned into months and months into years. Now here I was and seeing this picture made me miss him in ways I could not explain._**

**_The front door flew open, startling me. I quickly put the photo back and rushed out, expecting to be greeted by Charlie. Only he wasn't the one there waiting for me._**


	2. Chapter 2

_Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Twilight Saga Series. Any and all recognizable characters/content are the sole property of Stephanie Meyer._

**_CHAPTER 2_**

**_My breath caught in my throat as I rounded the corner. My heart began to beat wildly within my chest. I soon come to an abrupt stop, disbelieving of who was right in front of me._**

**_Jacob Black now stood in my entry way. _**

**_He was soaked from the now pouring rain outside. His white T- shirt clung to him. His hair still cut short, jet black in color and dripping wet._**

**_I couldn't speak as his beautiful brown eyes met mine._**

**_My own eyes soon wandering shamelessly over his body, seeing every muscle through his soaked shirt. _**

**_He was just as beautiful... just as perfect as he ever was. Built like a greek god. _**

**_My eyes stung with the threat of new tears as I ran to him. Not stopping to think twice about it. _****_I threw myself into his strong arms and was over joyed to feel him return my embrace, lifting me off my feet and holding me tightly to him._**

**_"Jacob..." I gasped._**

**_"Bells..." He breathed into my hair. _**

**_His grip on me was almost crushing but I didn't fight it, I welcomed it. Relishing in the warmth and safety of his arms. The strong arms that I had missed so much._**

**_"I missed you so much." I confessed to him, feeling his warm hand run across the sliver of skin revealed on my lower back, causing a small shudder to hit me._**

**_"I missed you more..." He replied, in a husky tone._**

**_I pulled back slightly, looking at his handsome face and seeing how the features of the young man I had left behind two years ago had changed some. I couldn't stop myself from running my fingertips along his strong jawline and across his dimpled chin. My eyes wandering to his full luscious lips. _**

**_I felt him slowly set me back on my feet, keeping his arms around me still. His eyes meeting mine and boring holes into my very soul, as h_****_is hand reached up and moved a stray lock of hair away from my face. _**

**_"You're still breathtaking..." He said softly to me. Sincerity clear in his tone._**

**_"You're still... sort of beautiful..." I smiled to him._**

**_He chuckled that warm and hearty laugh that I loved so much and released me with a wink._**

**_ "You remember..."_**

**_"I remember everything, Jake." I replied to him._**

**_His smile soon faded, running his hand through his soaked hair. I swallowed hard, and knew what question was lingering on the tip of his tongue._**

**_"Bells... Why did you leave like that?"_**

**_I glanced up to meet his penetrating stare and felt myself quickly scrambling to find an acceptable answer. Truth was, I really didn't have one._**

**_"I should have called you back, Jake. I'm sorry... There's no excuse for the way I left things with you. I just... didn't have the heart to tell you..."_**

**_"I wish you would have. I mean... you just left Bells..."_**

**_I stepped closer to him, placing my hands on his rugged arms and staring up into the eyes of the person who knew me best... still._**

**_"I'm sorry Jacob... for more than you know... I'm sorry."_**

**_He nodded in understanding before sweeping me back up in a big bear hug. _**

**_"All that matters is you're home now..." He sighed, kissing me lightly on the cheek and releasing me._**

**_I smiled back at him and felt a wave of relief wash over me that he held no ill will towards me, despite the way I handled things in the past._**

**_I gingerly touched my fingertips to his soaked white T-shirt, seeing the muscles there. I felt a blush settle into my cheeks as Jacobs hand took mine, a comfortable silence settling between us. It was short lived..._**

**_The front door suddenly opened and in walked Charlie with a wide welcoming smile on his face for me. _**

**_"Dad!" I beamed, running into his open arms. "I missed you."_**

**_He hugged me back and kissed my forehead. "You're a sight for sore eyes, honey. Welcome home!"_**

**_He looked to Jake as he released me and extended his hand to him. Jake shook it firmly with a wide smile for him. _**

**_"Hey Charlie." He chuckled._**

**_"I guess I should have known you'd come here first Jake." He chuckled in reply. "Billy told me as much so this morning."_**

**_Jake shook his head. "I'm sure he did."_**

**_"Well let me get changed and I'll take you out to the diner for a welcome back supper?" Charlie offered. "Jake, you're more than welcome to come along and join us."_**

**_I couldn't hide my smile, looking over to Jacob with anticipation. He smiled back at me._**

**_"Yea... sure thing just let me run home to change and I'll meet you guys over there?" He replied to Charlie._**

**_"Sounds like a plan to me." I shrugged and tucked my hair behind my ear. "Oh wait... can you bring your dad? I would love to see him."_**

**_"Sure, Sure" He replied. "He's pretty eager to see you too, honey."_**

**_I found myself having a hard time just keeping his stare for too long. I had forgotten just how beautiful he was in person. Pictures certainly didn't do him justice._**

**_"Well... if it's not too much trouble..." I teased._**

**_"For you... nothing is ever too much trouble, honey... I'll see you soon." He said, leaning down and placing a light kiss on my cheek. He stopped, lingering there for a brief moment, as my eyes met his, getting lost there and forgetting my own damn name momentarily._**

**_I reluctantly pulled back and forced myself to say something. "Yea... I'll see you soon."_**

**_He smiled and left, going out into the rain and running straight for the dense forest. I stood there in my open door and watched him. My heart beating a mile a minute and a burning blush forming on my cheeks, as I slowly closed the door. I rested my head there for a brief moment and recognized the feeling now blazing within me._**

**_My father cleared his throat from behind me, nearly jumping me out of my own skin._**

**_"Ready Bella?" He asked, with a small laugh upon seeing my startled reaction._**

**_"Jeez Dad... Don't freaking do that! Are you trying to give me a heart attack at 21?" I joked with him, grabbing my jacket and slipping it back on._**

**_The drive to the local diner was comfortingly familiar, as I filled my father in on College and my plans to return as soon as possible. He expressed how happy he was to have me home and how very proud of me he was._**

**_"By the way..." He began, parking the cruiser at the diner. "I think you made the right choice for you, sweetheart. Not getting married so young. Your old man is proud of you for that, too."_**

**_I smiled at him, as we got out and made our way into our old favorite place to eat. We quickly got a table and waited for Billy and Jacob to join us._**

**_ Butterflies assaulted my stomach while we waited. Something else I wasn't expecting to feel..._**

**_My father laughed and I shot him a puzzled expression. _**

**_"What?" I asked._**

**_"That Jacob..." He sighed, sipping his freshly poured coffee._**

**_"What about him?" I asked, perplexed._**

**_"He still looks at you the same way he did two years ago. Nothing's changed there Bella."_**

**_I blushed furiously and glanced down to my shaking hands now placed in my lap. _**

**_"Dad... really... don't be ridiculous... He's..." I stammered._**

**_"Still smitten with you..." Charlie finished for me._**

**_"You don't know th..." I began again._**

**_"Oh yes I do... trust me, your old man knows these things. Well... speak of the devil..." Charlie chuckled, nodding toward the front of the diner where Billy and Jacob now were. _**

**_My breath caught in my throat as my eyes fell on Jacob. He was wearing a white dress shirt and black jeans with a belt. His shirt was even tucked in and I found myself having a hard time taking my eyes off him, as they approached our table._**

**_I got up and immediately hugged Billy. I had missed so much about him. _**

**_"Well look at you, beautiful!" Billy said, hugging me back. "So glad to have you home again."_**

**_"I'm glad to be back... Missed you guys..." I confessed._**

**_"Well I missed you, too. I'm not the only one..." Billy chuckled, as he gestured to Jacob and wheeled himself up to the table._**

**_"No dad... you certainly weren't the only one." Jacob sighed, flashing that perfect white smile of his._**

**_I sat back down at the table and Jacob slid in beside me. His arm brushing up against mine, sending chills down my very spine at the simple contact._**

**_The waitress soon came over to take our orders, and I couldn't help but notice her flirt shamelessly with Jacob. A small pang of jealousy settling over me at the site and catching me off guard. What the hell did I have the right to be jealous of? He wasn't mine..._**

**_I took a sip of my soda, listening to Charlie and Billy banter over the last Mariners game. It was much the same as it used to be, and I hadn't realized I'd missed that too - until now._**

**_Billy soon turned his attention to me. "So Bella... How was College life?" He asked, with a classic warm Billy Black grin._**

**_"It was good... I'm glad to get a break though." I replied._**

**_"I bet you are hun."_**

**_I felt Jacobs warm hand run down my arm under the table, stopping when he reached my hand and lacing our fingers together the way he always used to. I immediately stopped talking and glanced over to him next to me. His deep brown eyes meeting mine with a hint of a genuine smile forming on his mouth._**

**_I couldn't help but smile back and hold his hand in return, before turning my attention back to my conversation with Billy._**

**_"Well I hope you stay around for a while, dear. Hasn't been the same around here without you." Billy sighed, sipping his black cup of coffee._**

**_"Thanks Billy. I plan to." I replied, feeling Jacob begin to caress the top of my hand with his thumb. The loving gesture, not lost on me._**

**_The waitress soon returned with our meals and we began to eat together. There was laughter and good times to be shared all around. I genuinely enjoyed the dinner and felt myself a bit sad when the night came to an end. _**

**_Charlie paid for everyone's meal, despite Jacobs offer to foot the bill. Charlie thanked him anyway and promised he would let him pay next time around._**

**_We were walking out of the diner when my dad unexpectedly got called into the station. He sighed heavily as he turned to me._**

**_"Sorry Bella but duty calls, sweetheart. I'll try to be back before too late, okay?"_**

**_I smiled and nodded in understanding as I hugged him goodbye._**

**_"Jake, you mind giving her a ride home here after dropping off your old man?" He asked._**

**_"Not at all Charlie." He replied with a smile. "I'll be sure she gets home safe."_**

**_"Thanks Jake. Appreciate it. We'll see you later this week for the game, Billy. I'll bring the beer bud." He chuckled, giving a wave before leaving in his cruiser._**

**_Billy waved back as Jacob helped him into the truck. Something else I noted that hadn't changed about him, his caring nature for his father remained firmly in tact._**

**_He held the truck door open for me, gesturing for me to get in. "Looks like you're stuck with me for a few more hours..."_**

**_"I'm not complaining..." I laughed in reply, as he started the engine and headed for La'push._**

**_The ride there was filled with Billy's laughter, hearing him talk about old memories from when Jake and I were just little. _****_It was so nice to be back home that I found myself just soaking it all in, basking in the familiar surroundings._**

**_We soon arrived at Jakes. Just the sight of his cozy red house brought a wide smile to my face. One that felt permanent._**

**_Jacob helped his father out of the truck, seeing the smile on my face when he opened the truck door for me. _**

**_"I've missed being here more than you know..." I admitted, stepping out and walking with them into their cozy little home._**

**_The home that held so many memories for me. The last one being when I had told Jacob I would always love him, but that I was going through with the wedding to Edward. The memory bringing back a fresh round of guilt for me now._**

**_"Sure is nice to have you here again!" Billy said, flipping on the sports channel the way he always used to._**

**_"Thanks Billy. It's nice to be here. I've missed this place..." _**

**_"Well, you two enjoy the evening. This old man is going to turn in early tonight. I'll be seeing you around, Bella." _**

**_I hugged him before we left and saw Jacob place a blanket over him in his recliner while I waited by the door._**

**_"I'll be back later dad. Call me if you need anything, okay?" Jake asked._**

**_"Sure thing my boy... Sure thing..." Billy replied with a wink as we left._**

**_We were half way to the truck when I stopped and glanced over to his garage. Jake took note and followed my gaze, a knowing grin forming on his handsome face._**

**_"Can we?" I asked._**

**_"Absolutely Bells." He said, taking my hand securely in his and walking us over._**

**_The garage was just the way I remembered it to be. Everything almost exactly in the same spot as it had been before I left two years ago._**

**_I couldn't help but chuckle, noticing that even his tools were laid out the same way on his work bench._**

**_"You haven't changed Jacob..." I said, with a small smile to him._**

**_"Neither have you Bells..." He replied, as he handed me a warm soda with a wink._**

**_I shook my head, glancing down at the soda can now in my hands and thinking back to all the times we had spent in here._**

**_"I really missed you the last couple of years..." _**

**_"You could have called, Bells..." He replied. His tone growing more serious._**

**_"I should have called..." I replied, nervously running my hand through my hair._**

**_"How is your mom anyway?" He asked, quickly changing the subject for good reason._**

**_"She's great. We had a lot of fun together. I already miss her." I admitted, taking a small sip of my warm soda._**

**_"Well... For what its worth... I hope you found what you were looking for out there?"_**

**_I glanced up at him, seeing his eyes now on mine. His stare intense and penetrating. Like he could still read me with one look. It was unnerving and comforting all at the same time._**

**_"Some things I didn't need to go searching for. Some of them were right in front of me." I admitted._**

**_"Some things?" Jacob asked._**

**_"Yea... important things..." I sighed, moving towards the garage door. _**

**_Jacob cleared his throat, as he tore his eyes away from mine. _****_"Come on, I'll take you home?" _**

**_I nodded and walked out to the truck with him. A silence settling there between us now. One that lingered and became uncomfortable as he drove me back home. _**

**_There were so many things I still wanted to say to him. Things I had only spoken to Renee about while living with her in Florida._**

**_We soon pulled into my driveway as Jacob cut the engine and got out to open my door for me. The silence somehow seemed louder between us now than before, making me painfully aware of the hurt I'd caused him from the way I left things. He may hold no ill will, but that certainly didn't mean there weren't scars from what I had done, and some of the selfish choices I had made in the past._**

**_I found the house key once again and unlocked the front door. So unsure of what to say as Jacob stood there with me._**

**_"Well... I had a nice time catching up with you tonight, Bells..." He sighed._**

**_"Me too, Jacob. It was great to see your dad and the reservation again." I replied._**

**_"He's missed you a lot since you left... We both have." He replied, eyes on mine._**

**_"Thanks again for bringing me home." _**

**_"It's no problem, honey." He shrugged. "Goodnight Bells..."_**

**_"Goodnight Jake..." I replied, my heart breaking a little bit at how uncomfortable things suddenly felt between us. I knew I had no one to blame but myself for this. I had placed the distance between us to begin with, long before I had ever left Forks for Jacksonville._**

**_My guilt felt overwhelming, as I watched him slowly walk down my steps and head for the truck. _****_I swallowed my pride and forced myself to say something before I lost my nerve altogether._**

**_"Jake wait..." I said, running down over the steps to close the distance between us._**

**_He stopped where he was, slowly turning back to face me when I reached him._**

**_"There's something I want to say to you..." _**

**_He looked at me and nodded, encouraging me to continue._**

**_"I..." I began, soon finding myself struggling for the right words to say to him. "Will you come inside first... so we can talk? I mean... Charlie won't be back till at least midnight or so..." I asked him. My nerves evident in my tone._**

**_He looked torn as he stared back at me. Almost like he was afraid of what I was going to say. I hated that my rash decision making in the past had placed that in him even now. I pushed aside my nerves and moved closer to him, reaching down for his hands and taking them in my own. My eyes fixed on his._**

**_"Please..." I whispered to him. Hoping he would give me the chance to say some of the things that were in my heart._**

**_"Okay.." He replied, in a hushed tone to me._**

**_My nerves returned to me once we were in my kitchen. Trying to think of the right way to say some of this to him. Would he even want to hear it? Would it matter or just further upset him?_**

**_I sighed heavily as Jacob got up from the table, slowly approaching me._**

**_"I still make you nervous..." He stated, in a soft tone to me._**

**_I nodded to him in agreement and felt his hand take mine, lacing our fingers together. He raised my hand to his lips, placing a small kiss on my inner wrist._**

**_"Why?" He asked me in a whisper. His eyes fixed on the crescent shaped scar his lips had just brushed._**

**_I drew in a shaky breath and chose to be honest with him. Really honest..._**

**_"Because you can read me like an open book... Because you know me better than I know myself sometimes... Because you made me realize that I could survive without Edward... Because even though I haven't seen you in two years, you're still just as amazing as you ever were..."_**

**_I lifted my head, meeting his gaze as I continued... "Because you showed me what real love was supposed to be. I ran away from it... away from you... Because I knew that what you said was true. I did love you... more than I should have or was supposed to."_**

**_He looked at me in disbelief, as I placed myself even closer to him, leaving mere inches between us. _**

**_"Because when I looked at you, I would see things that made me question how real my love was with Edward to begin with. I asked myself, over and over, if I would be eternally happy without you in my life? Would I look back with regret?"_**

**_Jacobs eyes searched mine fiercely as I said this to him. _**

**_"Bells..." He breathed to me. Our faces mere inches apart now._**

**_"On the mountain... when you kissed me... I saw what our future would have been like and I longed for that. I wanted that with you, and knew how wrong that was because I had made a promise to Edward... one that I couldn't keep." I finished, my eyes still on his._**


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Twilight Saga Series. Any and all recognizable content/characters are the sole property of Stephanie Meyer. She owns them all.

**CHAPTER 3**

_**My heart was hammering within my chest as I searched his eyes with my own. Waiting for him to say something... anything. His silence was deafening as we stayed locked in each others eyes. Neither one of us daring to speak and I began to feel regret at my blunt confession now.**_

_**I released his hand. "I'm sorry, Jacob. I shouldn't have said anything." I whispered to him as I slowly turned away.**_

_**Jacobs hand suddenly caught mine as he spun me back around and pulled my body flush to his in one swift movement. His strong arms securing me to him in such a way that I could feel every inch of his perfectly toned body now pressed to mine. A small gasp escaped me in response.**_

_**His eyes now looking right through me, the same way they always did. Time had not changed that and I was almost certain that nothing ever could. I watched as his eyes wandered to my lips before meeting my own again, the air now swiftly changing around us. **_

_**I waited with bated breath for him to speak, longing to hear him say that he believed me. Hoping beyond all hope, that he would forgive me for my rash and misguided choices two years ago. That this wonderful man, who I selfishly took for granted back then, would see the absolute truth to my words now. That he would know how very sorry I was.**_

_**Warmth spread through me from being this close to him and I basked in it, not realizing how much I had missed it until now. His eyes continued to bore holes into my very being as the tension between us became palpable. Desire for him ran through me as a lust filled haze clouded my vision and thoughts, stealing away any rational part of me and leaving nothing but the need to be close to him in it's wake.**_

_**I could feel Jacobs heartbeat through his chest as my eyes met his once again, seeing the love still prominently there for me. **_

_**The person I was two years ago would have pulled away by now. The person I was then would have analyzed this to death. The person I was two years ago, had changed. **_

_**I was uncharacteristically bold, as I slowly brought my lips to his, barely brushing his bottom lip, lingering there and savoring this moment with him.**_

_**Flashbacks of the kiss we had shared on the mountain, ran like wild fire through my mind, as **__**Jacob pressed his forehead to my own. "Bells..." He spoke in a low husky tone, one that told me he felt the powerful magnetic pull just as much as I did.**_

_**I brought my lips back to his with no hesitation, no thinking it through or analyzing it to death like before. **_

_**No more... I decided this was no longer acceptable to me. **_

_**His hand moved up my back and into my hair, as he kissed me so passionately that I soon lost all train of thought. **__**My lips moved effortlessly with his, feeling his tongue brush my bottom lip, silently asking permission to deepen the kiss. I surrendered to him, feeling his tongue meet mine, causing small ripples of desire to course through me. My body warmed to his as he pressed me to him. His blazing heat now seeping through his shirt, as his tongue moved with my own.**_

_**My hands moved swiftly into his hair, trying to deepen the kiss even further. Desperately craving his warmth, his love, needing to be wrapped up in him.**_

_**My head and my heart were at war with each other, as my fingers now struggled with the many buttons of his shirt while his hands came to rest firmly on my hips.**_

_**My mind screamed at me to stop, that I had no right to him after being gone, without so much as a word for two years. But my body pushed me forward, telling my head to shut the hell up, as I finished the last few buttons remaining on his shirt. My lips never leaving his, as he finished removing his shirt, tossing it to the side and scooping me up in his arms in one swift movement. He pressed me up against the wall and my legs wrapped around his waist. I could now feel his arousal through the barrier of his jeans. My hands going back into his hair, pulling him closer. His lips melting into mine again.**_

_** My hands roamed the contours of his shoulders, feeling his body against mine, eliciting a moan from me.**_

_**Desire, thick and heavy, ran through me. Jacob's warm tongue continued to explore my mouth. I returned his passion with equal intensity. My need for him becoming wild and unrestrained. Shocking even myself as I pulled back from him, quickly reaching down to grab the hem of my shirt and pull it over my head. Jacob's warm eyes searched mine before his lips claimed my own, keeping me securely held to him as he headed for the stairs with me.**_

_**I knew we were moving, but I was too focused on the feel of his blazing skin to be aware of anything else. I heard the sound of my bedroom door opening and soon felt the soft bed beneath me, as he laid me there. His mouth momentarily leaving mine to explore my neck as he trailed fevered kisses along my collar bone. My breathing becoming ragged and his warm hands roaming over the now bare skin of my stomach. He reached in behind me and quickly unhooked my bra. His lips coming back to mine as he removed it from me, pressing his warm chest to my own. The feel of his blazing bare skin was almost electrifying as it touched mine.**_

_**Skin on skin... I cherished the feeling of being this close with him, basking in him.**_

_**I soon felt his hand cup my breast, his warm fingertips brushing delicately against my nipple as they hardened at his touch. His soft lips leaving mine. He locked eyes with me, searching for any hesitation and seeing there was absolutely none to be found. **_

_**"You're perfect... beautiful..." He whispered to me, bringing his lips to my ear before placing kisses along my jaw line and across my collar bone. I felt his warm tongue suddenly swirl around my nipple, as he slowly took one in his mouth and then the other. His hands cupped them, slowly kneading my breasts, almost worshipping them. I moaned aloud, my hips involuntarily thrusting upward, as my back arched up off the bed. I felt his mouth slowly move down, his warm breath just above my navel, lingering there for a moment before his hands went to the top of my jeans. His fingertips brushing along the hem of them as he took them off.**_

_**I boldly sat up and reached for the top of his jeans without hesitation. His dark eyes on mine as I unbuttoned them. I ran my fingertips along his toned abs, seeing how defined they were and marveling at just how damn beautiful he really was. His hand caught mine, intertwining our fingers together as he stepped out of his jeans, leaving him in nothing but black boxers. My breath caught in my throat at the sight of him. He was simply divine, every inch of him sculpted to perfection. **_

_**I pulled him toward me as my lips hungrily devoured his own. He laid me back down beneath him, covering my body with his and settling himself between my legs. His arousal now prominent and pressing against my center. Jacob moaned against my mouth, as he firmly pressed himself against my throbbing core. His blazing skin on mine, his warm hand running up my outer thigh, as I moved with him, creating a rocking motion with my hips against him.**_

_**My skin warmed to his and I felt my desire for him pool between my legs as he moved with me. A slow burn of need starting within me, feeling him grow impossibly hard against my center. My hands tangled again in his hair. His lips leaving mine and making their way down to my breast before slowly trailing down even further to my stomach. I closed my eyes as I felt his fingers slip beneath the hem of my red lace panties. A small wave of nerves coming over me, as I felt him slide them off, leaving me now completely naked and exposed to him. The subconscious side of me surfaced as I opened my eyes and tried to cover myself, feeling my nerves trying to get the best of me.**_

_**Jacob took notice of this and moved back up my body, now hovering above me. He took both of my hands in his and placed them above my head as his fingers laced with mine. His eyes piercing through me as he spoke in a husky whisper.**_

_**"You don't ever have to hide from me, honey. You're so beautiful, Bells. Every part of you is perfect..." **_

_**I drew in a shaky breath, seeing the sincerity clear in his brown eyes and knowing he meant every word. I pushed past my own insecurities, as I released his hands and cradled his face. My eyes now studying the perfection of his face, slowly running my fingertips along his jaw and down to his chest, lingering there for a moment and reflecting on how very blind I had been before.**_

_**I urgently brought my lips back to his, our tongues meeting in a frenzy, as his hand caressed my outer thigh then slid up to rest on my hip. Setting my body a blaze at his warm touch. The backs of his fingers ran across my lower abdomen and I soon felt them brush against my sex. I broke our kiss, an audible gasp escaping me in response. Jacobs lips moved to my neck, kissing me there once more before his warm cheek nuzzled mine, his lips now at my ear.**_

_**"Can I touch you, honey?" He asked.**_

_**His tone a mix of lust and love all at the same time, causing me to forget how to formulate words so I could respond to him. I simply nodded, because it was all I could manage, and felt his fingers begin to caress me intimately, sliding them along my sensitive flesh. The slow burn within me grew rapidly at his warm touch, leaving my head whirling from the sensation. Every nerve ending in my body came alive, as his fingers found one spot that sent lightning through me. I could not control the moans that came from me, as he continued to focus on this one pleasure point, almost driving me beyond the point of insanity. His warm breath now on my neck. He nestled his face there, listening intently to my every moan.**_

_**My hips arched up, as he continued mercilessly, forcing all other thoughts to leave my mind. Just when I thought I could take no more, he gently eased two fingers inside me. I writhed and pressed against him, now gasping, panting, aching for him. **_

_**I felt myself start to come apart at the seams from his touch. My body coming alive in a way it never had before as he continued. I brazenly**__** reached down and tugged at his boxers. Desperately wanting to rid the last barrier between us, wanting nothing more than to be one with him, craving his very body to be joined with mine.**_

_**I slid his boxers down over his hips and he quickly assisted me, taking them the rest of the way off. His arousal now free from its restraints. No more barriers remained between us. **_

_**His eyes met mine as he slowly settled himself between my thighs, precisely placing himself in a way so he would not crush me. His naked body now fully with mine.**_

_** I stared up at this majestic man, hovering above me, seeing the moonlight from my window touch his face as he brought his lips back to mine. I felt him press himself up against my throbbing center, a shudder running through me from the feel of him. My heart beating a thousand miles a minute as he broke our kiss.**_

_**I watched a mix of emotions suddenly cross his handsome face as he met my stare. **_

_**"You still mean everything to me, Bella... That hasn't changed, honey..." He breathed to me, eyes still searching mine. His body trembled above me with his confession and I immediately replied with one of my own.**_

_**"I still love you, Jacob... More than you know..." I admitted and cradled his face, bringing my lips back to his.**_

_**He pulled my leg up slowly, hitching it around his hip.**_

_**"I love you too, Bells... That won't ever change." He breathed against my mouth.**_

_**"Not ever?"**_

_**"Not ever, honey..." He replied, as I felt him ease himself within me. I gasped, my body flooding with warmth from him.**_

_**Jacob stilled for a moment, nuzzling his face in my neck. The gesture so loving and affectionate... So Jacob.**_

_**I arched my hips up slightly, encouraging him without words to continue. It was my way of letting him know I was okay. My name fell from his lips as he eased himself the rest of the way inside of me. **_

_**"Bells..." He breathed, bringing his hand up and taking mine, intertwining our fingers. **_

_**I moaned and felt him begin to move within me, taking his time with me. Every thrust was slow at first, giving my body time to adjust to him. **_

_**Jacob kept a tantalizing rhythm, slowly picking up his pace when he saw no sign of discomfort from me. I moaned aloud, over and over, as pleasure began to build deep within me. His every thrust now hitting the right spot and causing me to cry out aloud. My body feeling things it had never felt before. All of me now consumed with Jacob... Just Jacob.**_

_**I began to move with him, bringing my hips up to match his every thrust. My hands soon found their way back into his hair, pulling him closer to me and kissing him with all that I was. My body was being driven to the edge with each thrust Jacob made. His skin so warm against my own, that our bodies were soon covered in a fine sheen of sweat as we moved together. **_

_**Jacobs hand released my own as he reached up and firmly gripped my headboard. I could hear the wood strain and crack under his powerful grasp. He ran his free hand down to my sex, finding that sensitive part of me as his lips claimed mine once again. The touch of his fingertips combined with his deep thrusts, were more than enough to send my body into an all consuming orgasm. **_

_**I threw my head to the side, taking my lips from his as my body was coursing with pleasure. **_

_**"Jacob... Jacob..." His name falling from my lips repeatedly. His eyes watching me intently.**_

_**I soon felt his whole body go rigid, all his muscles tensing as he found his own release. He moved his arm under me and pulled me flush to him, his thrusts going even deeper and becoming more powerful as his release took him under. His rhythm increasing enough to send me into a second orgasm, leaving me panting and breathless as his body lowered to mine.**_

_**He placed his head on my chest, his breathing still ragged and my body still a trembling mess there beneath him.**_


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Twilight Saga Series. Any and all recognizable characters are the sole property of the great Stephanie Meyer.

A/N: Thanks for the reviews. Each one is important to me. You all are awesome! Sorry for the delay in posting this chapter. Enjoy :)

**CHAPTER 4**

_**Time seemed to stand still. My very heart, still pounding erratically in my chest. I held Jacob close to me, listening contently to his breathing. The feel of his chest rising and falling, as my eyes grew heavy, my body desperately craving sleep.**_

_**Jacob moved, rolling slowly onto his back and taking me with him. I laid my head on his chest, feeling his fingers run through my hair, and his warmth encompassing me, as I slowly succumbed to my exhaustion.**_

_**The heat, just enough to be comforting, but not stifling. His strong grip on me tight, yet not tight enough. I used my last bit of energy to draw myself even closer to him before my eyes closed one last time, sleep taking me under.**_

_**I was suddenly startled awake some time later, by the sound of Charlie slamming the front door shut downstairs. My eyes flew open to hear his footsteps trailing across the floor, the T.V. turning on in the living room. I moved slightly and felt Jacobs warm arms tighten around me In response. It was then that everything came falling back into place for me. Charlie was now home, and Jacob was still here!**_

_**I bolted immediately upright, my hand flying instantly over my mouth as I gasped..."Shit!"**_

_**I felt Jacob sit up behind me. His eyes growing wide and meeting my own, reading the panic there.**_

_**Charlie's footsteps came wandering up the stairs, one by one. My heart lodging itself in my throat, listening to him approaching. Jacobs eyes still fixed on mine, neither one of us moving.**_

_** Charlie suddenly stopped half way, and then ran back down over the stairs. I sprung into action, taking the only window of opportunity I saw, to escape possibly the most humiliating thing that could happen - Charlie walking to in to find Jacob and I naked, in bed together.**_

_** While I knew how very much Charlie loved and respected Jacob, I also knew the over protective father, and cop in him, could very well try to shoot Jacob upon finding us this way. I frantically searched for my clothes, quickly getting dressed, as I tossed Jacob his jeans and belt. He slipped them on, before throwing open my bedroom window, stopping briefly to meet my gaze. The look on his face unreadable and worse, uncertain.**_

_**I didn't hesitate before rushing over to him, pulling him to me, and kissing him with all that I was. Jacobs strong arms wrapping around me and pressing my body flush to his, making my very head spin, as he released me with a wink and a smile, before jumping out and landing with ease on the grass beneath him. He glanced up at me once more, our eyes meeting again, before running off into the woods in the dead of night.**_

_**I stared after him, unable to stop the blushing smile that spread to my face, making my cheeks hurt. A memory of him jumping out this very same window and landing the very same way, came back to me as I hurriedly climbed back into bed. **_

_**Charlie reached the top step, as I pulled the comforter around myself and closed my eyes, appearing to be asleep. I heard him open my door and peak his head in. **_

_**I held my breath, silently hoping he hadn't heard Jacob when he left. Relief flooded through me when I heard him simply close my bedroom door and retreat to his room. I breathed out a heavy sigh of relief, slowly sitting up and running my hand through my hair anxiously. That had been close... too damn close...**_

_**The silence of the night settled in around me, as I sat there in bed, thinking of what had just happened. Remembering how amazing Jacobs body felt with mine. A rapid blush settling into my cheeks at the memory...**_

_**I tried not to over think it, but I couldn't seem to stop the many questions that were now running through my head... What does this mean? What have we done? Was it too soon? Too late? **_

_**I sighed heavily and shook my head, knowing that Jacob was probably asking himself the same questions right about now...**_

_**JACOBS POV**_

_**I ran through the dense, wet forest, in the dead of night. Stopping only long enough to strip off my jeans, that were now soaked from the heavy, punishing rain. I soon hit the ground running again, on all fours. My paws digging into the drenched forest floor beneath me. My thoughts consumed with only one name... Bella. **_

_**My pace faltering a bit at the memory of her body beneath mine. My name coming from her lips repeatedly. Guilt weighed heavily on me for leaving her in such a rush like that, even though I knew the reason, I still hated to go. If I had it my way, I'd hold her all night, stay wrapped up in her till the sun came up.**_

_**Everything had happened so fucking fast. Apart of me had a hard time believing it was even real and not just some damn illusion in my head.**_

_**I crossed into the border of La'Push, thankful that no one was out on patrol until early morning. My thoughts were safe and my own, for now at least.**_

_**I had never felt so whole in all my life, as I did right now. When she left two years ago, she took my heart with her. Not just part of it, but the whole damn thing went with her to Florida. The hell I went through from her absence, was something I feared to ever share with her. If she knew some of what I had done, just to erase the pain from her being gone, I feared she surely would never see me the same again. My chest ached even now at the memory of finding out she was gone. **_

_**I had been on the run for months prior to her wedding, taking off in wolf form, and never wanting to look back. I had tried to prepare myself for that inevitable fate, but nothing could have prepared me for when I received the proof of it in my shaking hands. A damn wedding invitation with her very name printed on it.**_

_**She was marrying Edward. She was giving all of who she was to that leech. She would never be mine. We would never be anything...**_

_** It felt as if someone had reached their hand inside my chest, and ripped out my heart. Taking all of it in their greedy hands and leaving me with a gaping hole there forever. Nothing could ever fix that kind of hurt. No one would ever be able to replace Bells for me... No one.**_

_**I remember running home on the day of her wedding, debating the whole way there, on whether or not I should even go for her. At least see her one last time. I knew how fucking painful that would be for me, but the thought of missing my chance to see her one last time before that demon erased every part of her from me, hurt much worse. **_

_**When I arrived home three days later, Billy wasn't there. The house was completely empty as I walked in, glancing around to see nothing had really changed in my long absence. I quickly took a long hot shower and dressed to go to her wedding, a lump already in my throat before I had even left. **_

_**I was just getting my jacket on when my father suddenly came home with Charlie, both of them stunned to see me there. Charlie even more so, considering he had no clue in hell where I'd been for the last three months. He didn't hesitate to give me a hug the moment he entered the house, relief on his face at seeing me back home and safe. My mind was running in over drive, looking at them both, curious as to why they were no longer at her wedding. My father cleared his throat upon seeing my questioning stare, as Charlie sat down on the couch with a heavy sigh.**_

_**"If you're heading to the wedding Jake, don't bother son." Charlie said, taking a swig from the beer on the coffee table.**_

_**I shot a wide eyed look at my father, assuming the worst, that Edward had already changed her and given some half assed, bullshit excuse to Charlie just to save face. I couldn't help but clench my hands into tight fists in response to the thought. Pain wrapping itself securely around my heart, feeling like barbed wire, slicing its way into me, every breath becoming more painful then the last.**_

_**My father saw my expression and quickly explained. "She left... She's gone, Jake."**_

_**I stared back at him with a mix of emotions running through me all at the same time. "Gone? What... What do you mean she's gone?"**_

_**My father glanced over to Charlie who then spoke up. "She ran off... never even made it down the alter..." He replied, running his hands over his face with clear worry for her. "I knew she wasn't ready, and now she's on a plan to Jacksonville. To see Renee." **_

_**I couldn't believe what I was hearing, as I watched Charlie pull out his cell phone and hand it to me. "Here Jake, she left me a voicemail. There's something in it I think she wanted you to hear."**_

_**I took the phone from him. My hands shaking already, before listening to her voice come through clear on the other end.**_

**_"Hey dad... Listen I...(Heavy sigh)... Didn't want you to worry so I'll say this now before I get in line to board the plane to mom's. I love you and I don't want you to think this has anything to do with you ... it doesn't... I just... (Another Heavy Sigh)... Really need some time... I need to figure some things out for myself. I hope you can understand, and that you won't be too upset with me when you see that I'm gone. I left you my spare house key under the welcome mat... I have loved living with you. I know this seams so sudden and I hope you can forgive me for leaving without saying goodbye... (Long Pause)... I just had to go, dad... Please... Please tell Jacob, whenever you see him again, that I'm so sorry. I wish... I could see him face to face to say this, but I know you'll give him the message for me. Tell him... I'm sorry for everything. Give Billy a hug for me too, please. I promise I'll call you as soon as I get settled at mom and Phil's. I love you... Bye Dad..."_**

**_I heard the voicemail end and glanced down at the phone, seeing she had left this for him twenty minutes ago. I handed Charlie his phone back and quickly pulled out mine from my Jacket pocket, seeing it still had some battery left and dialing her immediately. My heart hammering painfully against my chest, as I paced the kitchen floor. Practically wearing a hole through it._**

**_One ring... Two ring... Three ring... _**

**_Fuck... please pick up Bells..._**

**_Four ring... Five ring... Voicemail..._**

**_I hung up and dialed her again. This time it went straight to her voicemail. "Hey you've reached Bella. Sorry I cant take your call right now..."_**

**_I hung up again, the lump in my throat returning. She was on a plane... To Jacksonville, Florida._**

**_Unwanted tears stung my eyes as I stared down at the kitchen floor. She was running..._**

**_Guilt hit me then, thinking that this must have been exactly the way she felt when I had just taken off weeks ago. _**

_**I huffed and skidded to a halt when I reached the tree line of my back yard, stopping the memories for now. The rain still pouring down in buckets, as I phased back, pulling on my drenched jeans, quickly running across my back yard and up over the steps into the house. I quietly closed the front door behind me so I wouldn't wake Billy. **_

_**"Hey there, boy."**_

_**I jumped back, startled. "Holy shit dad. You jumped the fuck out of me. I thought you'd be sleeping."**_

_**"No... was up waiting for you. Must of nodded off a while ago." He chuckled, as I flipped on the lamp to see him better.**_

_**"Waiting for me?" I questioned, raising an eyebrow to him.**_

_** "Yep... Wanted to see how things went with uh... most of had patrol after you dropped her off?" He sighed with a nod, steeling a glance down at his watch. **__**I could feel his knowing eyes on me.**_

_** "Yea I had to do a run before I came home." I lied, miserably.**_

_**"Bella got home okay, I assume?"**_

_**"Yeah." I replied, walking toward the kitchen with my father wheeling himself in after me.**_

_**"Real nice to have her back home again... real nice. Did you guys get much of a chance to talk... catch up?"**_

_**I swallowed hard, grabbing a bottle of cold water from the fridge, images of Bella's beautiful naked body beneath mine, her lips moaning my name.**_

_**"Uh... yea... We talked a bit..." I replied, turning back around to face him.**_

_**"Did you tell her..." He began, eyes on mine.**_

_**"No." I interjected, knowing where this conversation was headed and stopping it in its tracks.**_

_**"Jake..." My father sighed, shaking his head, his eyes narrowing at me.**_

_**I walked out around him, heading for my room to change, wanting to drop the issue.**_

_**"You have to...-" **_

_**I stopped where I was, glancing toward the floor with dread.**_

_** "I know dad... I know..." I interjected.**_

_**"She'll understand, Jacob. Trust your old man on this son."**_

_**"What makes you so damn sure of that?" I asked, my tone low, glancing over my shoulder to him.**_

_**"Because... A lot of things have changed since she left two years ago... but her love for you... that's a fixed point, Jacob."**_

_**I nodded to him before saying goodnight and closing the door to my room behind me. I threw myself down on my bed, glancing up at the ceiling. My father may be confident in Bella's understanding, but that didn't stop my fear of her ever finding out the truth. I closed my eyes and prayed to whoever was listening up there, that she wouldn't hate me for it, that she would somehow find it in her heart to forgive me. For the alternative, was too fucking painful to even comprehend. A pain I knew all too well.**_


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Twilight Saga Series. Any and all recognizable content/characters are the sole property of the great Stephanie Meyer.

**CHAPTER 5**

_**(BPOV)**_

_**The morning sunlight now peered in through my window. It's shimmering rays streaming along my walls and alerting me that the day had begun. I stirred under the covers, stretching and huddling myself down further into them, pulling them up over my head in an attempt to remain wrapped up in my warm cocoon for just a little while longer. **_

_**I sighed, breathing in and smelling the small traces of woodsy pine scent that still remained on my sheets from last night... Jacob's scent. I felt my cheeks flame with a rapid blush, further nestling myself down into the bed, as memories of him came flooding back to me. **_

_**Our kiss in the kitchen... His warm hands all over my body... His husky voice in my ear... His lips on mine... His body becoming one with my own... The way his blazing skin felt...**_

_**I closed my eyes, savoring these memories, and pretending that the world outside could wait just a while longer before I joined the madness.**_

_**Being with Jacob last night had felt so right, in a way I found comforting and yet shocking all at the same time. To think, I had not even spoken a single word to him in two years, and then to have what happened last night take place, had caught me off guard to say the least. It also left me feeling complete in a way I had not felt in a long time.**_

_**Nothing about him had really changed since my departure. He was still the majestic man he had always been. His charm and humor still there to match the hearty laughter I had come to adore so much. His caring nature for Billy, remaining a constant fixture in his life to this day. Something about him that touched me to my very being. To see him care for his father that way still, only reminded me again of the wonderful person I had foolishly and stupidly left behind two years ago.**_

_** Beyond that even, I couldn't help but ponder how very selfish it had been of me to dismiss my feelings for him at the first sight of Edward coming back. Treating what we had created together, in his absence, like nothing at all. As if it had never even transpired.**_

_**I sighed heavily upon remembering this. How the hell could I have traded in my own personal sun for the dark shadows of the moon?**_

_** I wish I could simply blame it on immaturity or a naïve way of thinking, but that would be taking the easy way out. Truth was, I was selfish then and I should have seen what was right in front of me. I knew it would do me no good to dwell on the events of the past. It was pointless and a waste of valuable time if you ask me. Charlie had always taught me that the best way to atone for your past was to make better choices in your future. This was certainly something I was going to practice myself from now on.**_

_**I stifled a small laugh at the thought of how damn close we had been to getting caught last night. Charlie would have lost it. We should have been more careful. I shouldn't have allowed myself to fall asleep with him like that, knowing Charlie was due home and losing all sense of time and place in the heat of the moment. I was so consumed with Jacob to even care much about anything else. I don't even remember thinking about anything or anyone but Jacob once we were upstairs.**_

_**I paused momentarily on this thought...**_

_**We were downstairs first...**_

_**I abruptly sat up, throwing the covers off me with the startling realization that some of our clothes were still downstairs.**_

_**I jumped out of bed, leaving my warm little sanctuary, and nearly tripping over myself trying to open my bedroom door. I cautiously peeked my head out, listening to see if Charlie was still asleep. **_

_**I slowly tip toed across the hall and down over the stairs, hearing Charlie's loud snoring coming from his room. My foot touched the bottom step and it made a loud creaking noise. I inwardly cringed and stopped, closing my eyes and praying he would remain asleep, as I**__** walked swiftly, and with far more grace then normal, across the floor. My eyes soon falling on Jacobs white shirt and then my own. I quietly cursed under my breath before gathering them in my arms.**_

_**Dread hitting me at the realization that these had been here for Charlie to see when he came home from his shift at the station. I knew how very tired he was when he returned home most nights and I could only hope, by some small miracle, he didn't notice them before retreating to his room. **__**Maybe this was naïve hope, but I had to hope anyway. The thought of Charlie knowing what had happened between Jacob and I last night was horrifying at best.**_

_**I ran quickly, and as quietly as I could, back upstairs. Pausing briefly at the top to hear Charlie still thankfully snoring away.**_

_**I tip toed back across the hall and soon closed my bedroom door behind me, leaning up against it, as I glanced down at Jacobs shirt now in my hands. I couldn't resist lifting the fabric to my face and inhaling his intoxicating scent, bringing with it the many memories of last night and making me miss him already.**_

_**I glanced around my room, trying to think of where I could keep his shirt until I could return it to him. My eyes fell on my dresser and I hurriedly opened the bottom door, folding his shirt and placing it on the very bottom, piling my own clothes on top of it, so Charlie wouldn't see. Not that he would ever have any reason to go through my things, but just in case, after our carelessness last night, I wanted to be sure and cover all my bases.**_

_**I looked over to my clock, seeing it was only nine in the morning, and debating on whether I should go see Jake this early. Would that come across as needy?**_

_** I pondered this for a brief moment, before shaking my head and rolling my eyes at the thought. After all, I had to remember this was Jacob we were talking about. Not some random guy I had met at a college party.**_

_**I decided to shower and get ready for the day, trying to make it out of the house before Charlie woke up. I was silently dreading the awkwardness I knew would be waiting for me when I heard him downstairs making coffee. I sighed heavily, slowly making my way down the stairs, one at a time, and secretly wishing that they would do me a favor, by opening up and swallowing me whole. As it turns out... No such luck.**_

_**Charlie saw me the moment I descended off the last two steps. My heart lurching itself into my throat and my body growing tense with nervous energy, as I waited there for him to say something.**_

_**"Morning Bella." He smiled, handing me a cup of hot coffee.**_

_**I took it and tried to wipe the stunned look off my face before he caught on. Morning Bella? That's it?**_

_**"Uh... Morning Dad. Sleep well?"**_

_**"Yea... Not too bad..." He nodded, with a heavy sigh before taking a seat at the kitchen table.**_

_**I joined him there. My eyes still searching him, as he opened the morning paper and drank his java. Surely, he was inwardly festering and doing a damn good job hiding it, or the impossible had occurred... I had received my miracle and he didn't notice the clothes on the floor last night. I held my breath a bit longer, waiting for the other shoe to drop, as they say.**_

_**Only the shoe never came...**_

_**We simply enjoyed our morning coffee together. Charlie complaining over the horrible losing streak the Mariners were now having, and me agreeing with him, following along to the best of my ability, in high hopes that the Mariners would be the only thing discussed this morning.**_

_**After a while, I noticed my coffee was gone and got up for a refill, asking Charlie if he needed one before I left.**_

_**"Where are you headed?" He asked, folding his paper and setting it on the table.**_

_**"Uh... Jakes... for a bit..." I replied, handing him his mug.**_

_**"You guys have a good time last night?"**_

_**I swallowed hard, feeling the nerves come back at his seemingly simply question.**_

_**"Yea we did. It was really nice to see his house again and Billy. Missed them a lot." I replied, slipping on my jacket and attempting to keep my answer vague.**_

_**"Well I'm glad you enjoyed your time with him. He's a hell of a guy that Jacob. He certainly missed you when you were gone."**_

_**I nodded in reply and kissed him on the cheek. "I'll be back later, dad, I love you,"**_

_**"Sure thing, honey. I'll be seeing you then. You know Billy's coming over here for the game tonight, sure would be nice to have the two of you join us?"**_

_**I smiled brightly at his offer. "Okay. I'll see if Jake can make it."**_

_**"Oh, trust me Bella, He'll make it. Wherever you are, he tends to be." My father chuckled, as I grabbed my keys from the table and headed for the front door. **_

_**My fathers laughter soon stopped and I heard him clear his throat. Bringing me up short. My hand still lingering on the door knob.**_

_**"Oh yea... And Bella..." He sighed. "Don't forget to take Jake's shirt back to him... He may be needing that..."**_

_**I felt my stomach drop. My nerves overwhelming me, and biting my lip in response to his statement. I had not received my miracle. Of course not, that would of been too damn easy right? This was me after all. The one who wouldn't have any luck at all if it weren't bad luck.**_

_**My eyes met his upon turning back around, seeing a mix of emotions in them.**_

_**"Dad... I... we..." I tried to respond. The words seeming to get permanently stuck in my throat, nearly choking me.**_

_**He raised his hand with a nod of his head to silence me. "You don't need to explain anything to me, Bella. As a matter of fact... Please don't. But..." He paused, his eyes averting to the floor, and his face becoming a bit red before continuing. "Be careful okay? Just be careful... "**_

_**I nodded frantically to him, wanting this conversation to be over before it had even started.**_

_**"Dad..." I trailed off, seeing the prominent flush to his face remain.**_

_**"You know what I'm saying, Bella... enough said." **_

_**With that, I left the house and made my way over to Jacobs. My thoughts running in overdrive the whole way there.**_

_** I was horrified to know that my father, of all people, now knew about Jacob and I. And if I knew him, he would probably have a long conversation with Billy about it sooner rather than later. It was times like this that I wished to be one without a conscience. One who didn't give a crap who she was sleeping with, and who the hell knew about it. But that was just not me, especially when it came to my father.**_

_**I pulled up into the familiar driveway, seeing Jacobs Rabbit parked there and feeling an instant smile spread across my face.**_

_**I was barely out of my truck before his front door flew open. Jacob now standing there with a classic Jacob grin plastered on his handsome face. My eyes met his and my heart began to beat wildly within my chest. He took a few strides toward me, his gaze penetrating. My lungs forgetting how to take in air, as I approached him.**_

_**Once I was within arms reach, he pulled me to him. My breath catching in my throat, as he brought his lips to mine. I eagerly returned his kiss, my head spinning and getting entirely lost in him. His warmth enveloping me, erasing the small chill from the cool air that I had felt before. His scent surrounding me and my heart feeling as though it would burst through my chest at any moment.**_

_**I felt him slowly pull away, breaking our kiss, and pressing his forehead to mine. "I missed you, honey."**_

_**"I missed you, too" I softly admitted, slowly opening my eyes and meeting his stare.**_

_**I suddenly grew quiet, feeling a sense of home within me that I had not felt before. Something that was not lost on me now. I reached my hand down and took his, lacing our fingers together, and biting my lip nervously. My mind wandering back to what Charlie had said.**_

_**"Can we talk?" I asked in a low tone.**_

_**Jacobs eyes met mine again, fear immediately coming to them. I mentally kicked myself upon seeing it there. Quickly back pedaling. "No... No its not like that..." I reassured him, pulling him toward his garage. A place I knew we wouldn't be heard.**_

_**Once inside, he closed the door and released my hand, eyes still searching my own. "This is about last night, right?"**_

_**I nodded and hurriedly explained so he wouldn't draw the wrong conclusion. "We were careless... Our clothes were still downstairs when Charlie got home."**_

_**Jake's eyes grew wide in response, shifting his weight from one foot to the other. "Shit Bells... I forgot all about that... I'm sorry..."**_

_**I shook my head and approached him. "Don't be sorry. I mean, you weren't the only one who forgot. I should have had enough common sense to pick them up. I just... wasn't exactly focused on that." I admitted, a burning blush settling into my cheeks.**_

_**Jacob reached his hands down, taking both of mine securely back in his. "What did he say?"**_

_**"To be careful..."**_

_**He nodded in response, lifting my hands and kissing them. "You don't regret it do you?"**_

_**"No... No I don't regret it... Why... do you?" I hesitantly asked, drawing myself further into him.**_

_**He shook his head, leaning in and lingering there for a moment. His lips mere inches from mine as he spoke. "Not ever, Bells."**_

_**I felt relief at his words and brought my lips to his, kissing him softly and marveling at the affect he had on me.**_

_**"Jacob!" Billy's booming voice came from outside, jumping the hell out of me, and causing me to literally jump backwards from Jacob. I practically tripped over my own two feet, if it hadn't been for his quick response, steadying me on my feet. I surely would have gone ass over tea kettle.**_

_**Jake busted out laughing at my lack of grace. The sound of it causing a wide grin to spread across my own face in return. I couldn't help it. His laughter was infectious.**_

_**"Jacob Ephraim!" Billy's loud voice came from the outside again. This time sounding irritated. I grew a bit nervous, shooting him a side glance, unable to stop myself from thinking the worst... That Charlie had just called Billy.**_

_**We walked hand in hand out of his garage to see Billy waiting there in the open doorway of his house. He greeted me with a smile, stealing a glance at our hands together. "You have a phone call. It's Quil and it sounds important. Here..." He said, handing Jake the phone.**_

_**I waited patiently in the living room with Billy while Jacob took the call. My eyes wandering over to him pacing in the kitchen, every once in a while. I could tell the phone call was important by the tone in Jacobs voice. It was tense, stern, and laced with a bit of authority I had never heard come from him until now.**_

_**Billy followed my gaze and chuckled, catching my attention again.**__**"Yeah, some things have changed since you left, Bella."**_

_**The proud look on Billy's face appeared to be as permanent, as the love he had for Jacob. It was evidently clear how very proud of him he was, and a small part of me felt like I had missed out on a lot more than I thought. I hoped it was somehow possible for us to get some of that time back. To make up for all I had missed out on. Whether or not too much had changed in my absence, making that impossible now, I was unsure. Only time would tell.**_


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Twilight Saga Series. Any and all recognizable contents/characters are the property of the wonderful Stephanie Meyer.

**CHAPTER 6**

**_(JPOV - Reflection)_**

**_It has been said that loving someone is often the greatest and most terrifying thing you will ever do. They say the heart is only so strong, and by choosing to love someone so deeply, you may in turn, get your own heart ripped out. _**

**_They say you should love the person that makes you glad that you're alive. But what if that same person was slowly killing you from that love?_**

**_Love is a funny thing. You want a love that consumes you. To have passion and adventure, and even a little danger. But when that love leaves you alone and empty, you often ask yourself why in the hell you ever loved them to begin with, even though you already know the answer. _**

**_If meeting someone is by fate, and befriending them is by choice, why was falling in love with them beyond your control? Your heart becoming nothing more than collateral damage in the end._**

**_I had been in love with Bella for so long, that I could no longer remember what it felt like to not love her. I was in love with a woman I feared I would never have. The pain that came along with that was at times unbearable for me. It left me feeling out of control and hollow._**

**_There were days I would almost wish myself to be a different person. One who didn't care so damn much. One who could adopt a different mentality altogether, but it was something I could never seem to do. _**

**_Try as I may, I couldn't erase who I was, nor could I erase my feelings for Bells back then._**

**_ Running didn't work. I found out the hard way that miles did nothing when it came to love like that. _**

**_My father would remind me often to be the better man. He would tell me that he believed love always found a way, no matter how very impossible it seemed, it just did. I would mostly dismiss this, not out of disrespect, but out of the desperate attempt I made at choosing not to believe._**

**_Believing was dangerous, and a form of torture all on its own. It played games with your mind, and worse, with your heart. It would lure you in and then coldly spit you back out without a second thought. I had chosen to be done with believing, it did me no good. _**

**_I used to think the worst feeling in the world was losing someone you love, but I was wrong. The worst feeling in the world is the moment that you realize you've lost yourself. That's exactly what I had done. _**

**_I used to think that the worst day of loving someone is the day you lost them forever. I had come to learn that there were far worst days of loving someone, like never knowing what might have been. Like watching your very reason for breathing choose another over you._**

**_My love for Bella had done exactly what it was supposed to... consumed me... Entirely. I loved her but hated what that love had done to me. _**

**_Love and hate... Such a fine line._**

**_I didn't know who the hell I was without her. I didn't know how to be anything without her. The absence of her was everywhere I looked. How do you just stop loving someone you've loved since childhood?_**

**_I ran for miles and miles, in wolf form, when I got that damn invitation in the mail. Desperately trying to find the answer to this question myself. I had come to realize I would never stop loving her. I would never be able to just let her go, and that killed me. I felt destroyed, knowing that she felt what we shared wasn't enough. The memory of her telling me this after the newborn battle was on constant replay in my head. _**

**_I found out that distance away from her did absolutely nothing for the memories that haunted me. They stayed with me. The same way the ache in my chest did at the mere thought of her. _**

**_I had learned that feelings like this remain with you. They follow you. You can't escape them despite how much you want to. Memories of her and I together would send rippling pain through me, causing my muscles to actually ache. My body would physically hurt without her near. _**

**_The many weeks I had spent in wolf form had only made things worse for me. I had set out to escape, to maybe have a moment of clarity, or to find whatever the hell it was I needed to rid Bella from my system permanently. But that moment of clarity never came, instead, I chose a different direction back then. One that I wished now more than ever, I hadn't. _**

**_I had been so consumed with the hurt from Bella's absence that I started to lose myself and the longer I remained in wolf form, the more lost I became._**

**_After weeks of never ending heartbreak over her, I began to grow angry and bitter. Allowing myself to slip into the dangerous territory of not giving a shit anymore. I left my heart behind, going only with selfish instinct and choosing to place the animal in me first. _**

**_I've heard it said before that we choose our own path. That our values and our actions, they define who we are. If this is true... what the hell kind of person did that make me now?_**

**_I had learned not to underestimate the allure of darkness. Even the purest of hearts are eventually drawn to it._**

**_I knew it was just a matter of time before my past would come back and resurface its ugly head again. The clock was ticking. I had to find the strength within myself to tell Bella._**


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Twilight Saga Series. Any recognizable content/characters belong to the great Stephanie Meyers.

_**CHAPTER SEVEN**_

_**BPOV**_

_***Three Weeks Later***_

_**I glanced down into my full cup of coffee, seeing the steam rise from the cup. My thoughts consumed with Jacob. The same way they had been since I'd returned home. I had spent every free moment with him lately and found myself marveling at how easily we had picked up right where we left off before my absence. It was seemingly effortless with us and I was grateful.**_

_**I was so wrapped up in my thoughts that I didn't hear Charlie when he came down stairs and poured himself a cup of coffee.**_

_**"Penny for your thoughts this morning?"**_

_**I lifted my head and met his gaze, seeing him now join me at the kitchen table and feeling bad for not tuning into what he was saying before.**_

_**"I'm sorry, dad. What were you saying just now?"**_

_**"I was asking how your dinner went with Jake last night and wondering when you were gonna fill your old man in on what's going on with you two?"**_

_**I took a long sip of coffee, feeling my cheeks warm with a rapid blush. "What... I mean we're..." I paused, coming up empty on how to explain what Jake and I were when frankly, I didn't know what label to place on it myself. Neither one of us had taken the time to define that aspect of our relationship yet.**_

_**"Oh come on now, don't give me that. You've been spending a lot of time with him since you got back. It's not hard to see that there's certainly something transpiring there."**_

_**I swiftly got to my feet to refill my coffee, trying to think of a suitable answer for him and still lacking one. I heard Charlie clear his throat from behind me.**_

_**"Is he coming over this morning for breakfast? Cause if he is, I'm gonna need to make a grocery run. That guy sure as hell knows how to put the food away!"**_

_**I couldn't help the small giggle that left my lips in response to hearing the shock in my fathers tone. If he only knew...**_

_**"I think he's stopping by for a bit before he heads to work." I replied.**_

_**Jacob had recently taken a part time job at the local garage. A friend Of Billy's had offered him a new mechanic position. He certainly had his plate full with running all the extra patrols he had lately. Jacob didn't seem to share the details of the packs business with me the way he used to. It appeared that he kept things more to himself these days.**_

_** I understood and respected his boundaries on sharing things with me. Though I had a feeling deep down that he was no longer just a member of Sam's pack. I suspected that he now played a much more significant role, one that he had been born to take. One that I myself, had secretly wished he would claim as his own someday. Even when I was still with Edward, before I had fled the state to Jacksonville, I knew that Jacob was born to be a leader and I was thrilled to think he may have rightfully claimed that role now. I would simply wait for him to tell me whenever he was ready to. It was something worth waiting for.**_

_**Despite the way I had left things, and the many miles I had placed between us before, Jake and I were better then we had ever been. It just confirmed to me that there are friendships imprinted in our hearts that will never be diminished by time and distance. **_

_**"Well be sure to tell him the game starts at eight tonight. Been real nice having you two join us for the last couple."**_

_**"Yeah, I'll ask him. I'm sure he'd love that." I replied, hearing a sudden knock on the door.**_

_**My father chuckled and went back to reading his paper, as I swiftly crossed the house to answer the door, nearly tripping over my own two feet in the process, which Charlie found to be even more damn amusing.**_

_**I reached the door, laughing at my own two left feet and opening the door to see Jake there with a welcoming smile on his face for me. Butterflies assaulted my stomach when he leaned in, placing a chaste kiss on my cheek and lingering there for a moment. **_

_**"Morning Beautiful." He whispered in my ear in a husky tone, bringing a flood of memories from the last time he's whispered that way in my ear. I had to force myself to remember to breathe.**_

_**"Morning..." I replied, a little breathless. **_

_**Charlie piped up from the kitchen, casually strolling in with his coffee in hand. "Morning there, son. How's it goin' today?" **_

_**Jake extended his hand to Charlie, who firmly shook it in return. "It's going well. Headed to work soon."**_

_**"Oh yea. How you liking that new job of yours?" Charlie asked.**_

_**"It's going great. You know me and cars." Jacob chuckled in reply.**_

_**"Good. Glad to hear it. You'll fit right in over there. Your dad home this morning? Needed to ask him a few questions about the game tonight."**_

_**"Yea, he was just getting up when I left."**_

_**"Great. I'm gonna head over there for a bit." Charlie replied, slipping his jacket on and smiling at me. "See you two later? Join us for the game?"**_

_**"Yea, that sounds great. I'm out of work at five so..." **_

_**"Okay, see you two then. Have a good day." Charlie replied, before heading out to his parked cruiser.**_

_**He was barely off the porch before I felt Jake arms around me, pulling me to him.**_

_**"You okay with me being here for the game later?" He asked, his tone still low and extremely sexy.**_

_**I nodded and brought my lips to his, steeling a kiss before he would have to leave for work. My tongue swept his bottom lip, eliciting a moan from him.**_

_**"I'll miss you..." I admitted, as I pulled back, meeting his gaze.**_

_**"I'll be missing you more, Bells." He replied, placing a kiss on my forehead. I stopped myself from asking the question that had been on the tip of my tongue now for days. Afraid of what the answer might be. **_

_**We had both danced around that damn question so many times that I was losing count. I couldn't tell who was more afraid to define our relationship, me or Jacob. I decided to push my insecurity down for a little while longer, choosing to feign ignorant bliss and enjoy the moment with him.**_

_**"Something on your mind, honey?" **_

_**"No... Just... thinking about what I should make for dinner tonight. Any special requests?" I asked, lying shamefully.**_

_**"I love all your cooking. You know that." He said, releasing me with a wink. The simple gesture causing the onslaught of butterflies to return with a vengeance. **_

_**"I'll think of something by then I'm sure."**_

_**Jacob glanced down to his watch, taking note of the time. "I gotta get headed to work. Don't wanna be late."**_

_**"Yea..." I sighed heavily, unable to mask my disappointment at his departure.**_

_**"See you later, honey?"**_

_**"Sure thing." I replied to him.**_

_** He turned to leave, releasing my hand and heading for the door to go. I stepped out into the cold air with him, standing on the porch and feeling the brisk wind whirl around us. He was nearly to his car before he stopped and jogged back to me, his hands coming up to cradle my face before kissing me. His tongue meeting mine and leaving my very head spinning when he pulled back with a grin plastered on his face.**_

_**"I'll be seeing you..." He whispered, before turning to go. I somehow managed a nod to him and watched as he pulled out of the drive way, leaving me literally counting down the hours till I would see him again.**_

_**I couldn't stop the ridiculous smile that spread across my face when I thought of his husky whisper in my ear. My cheeks involuntarily flushed a deep shade of red, as I walked back inside to grab the grocery list I had made last night. We were out of nearly everything and I planned to fill the cupboards today while Charlie was at work. He had offered to give me money to go, but I had enough in my savings account from working at the local book store in college, to afford the groceries myself. I had built up my savings account over the past few years, and it felt good to be able to contribute to the household. After all, Charlie let me live rent free. This was the least I could do in return. I**__** hurried to grab my truck keys and head for the store. **_

_**Driving through the desolate streets of Forks, I saw a few familiar faces along the way, some of which I hadn't seen since I had left two years ago. I spotted Quil and Embry at the local gas station where I pulled in to fill up. Quil spotted me the moment I got out, and jogged over with a large welcoming grin.**_

_**"Bella!" He greeted me, scooping me up in a hug and lifting me off the ground in the process. "Long time no see!"**_

_**I laughed myself at his enthusiasm and noticed Embry come strolling up to join us. His appearance had changed greatly from the last time I'd seen. He now was equally matched with Jacob in size and height.**_

_**"Hey Bella." He kindly greeted me with a smile of his own. His enthusiasm not nearly that of Quil's.**_

_**"Hi guys! God... look at you. You're both even taller now than I remember!" I laughed, looking the two of them intently over.**_

_**"Jake told us you were back in town. Just haven't caught up with you yet. You know with Jake hogging you all to himself these days." Quil said with a knowing wink. **_

_**I inwardly cringed at the thought of Jake's mind linking with theirs and exposing all the intimate moments we'd shared. My blush a dead give away to my thoughts. Quil nudged playfully into me with a chuckle. "Awe come on, it's really no big deal, Bella."**_

_**I shook my head and quickly changed the subject. "So, where are you working these days or are you in College?"**_

_**Quil laughed aloud at this. "College! HA! I barely got by in high school, passed by the skin of my teeth, No College needs the likes of me lurking around. Besides, Claire keeps me on my toes."**_

_**I nodded, remembering his permanent link to her. The thought causing an unsettling feeling within me, knowing that Jake and I hadn't even approached the subject of imprinting since I'd returned home. This living in ignorance thing certainly came at a high price with a heavy side of anxiety.**_

_**"I see." I replied. "What about you Embry?"**_

_**"Oh..." He began, shuffling his feet and clearing his throat once before continuing. "I've been busy... ya know... working at the garage with Jake and all."**_

_**I opened my mouth to reply, but ultimately came up short, finding it odd that Jake had yet to mention this to me. **_

_**"Jake didn't tell you that we're working together now?" Embry quickly added upon seeing my stalled reply.**_

_**"No... No he didn't ... uh... I guess it just never came up..."**_

_**"Well I'm glad you're back now, Bella. Was odd not seeing you around town like before. We missed ya' around here." Quil added.**_

_**"Thanks. It's great to be back home."**_

_**"For good right?" Quil asked, raising an eyebrow.**_

_**"Well... for now..."**_

_**Embry piped up suddenly. "Wait... what? For real? You're thinking of taking off again... Don't you kn-" He stopped suddenly when Quil jabbed him harshly in the ribs.**_

_**"Never mind." He sighed, dropping the subject altogether.**_

_**"Wh... What do you mean? What's going on?" I asked, feeling left out of whatever secret they were now sharing.**_

_**"It's nothing, Bella. Really. We better get going. Embry here has to get back to work and I have a beach play date with Claire. Getting too chilly to do that with her for much longer, Fall coming and all."**_

_**"Yea. Well I guess I'll see you around?"**_

_**"Absolutely Bella!" Quil replied, placing a chaste kiss on my cheek. **__**Embry remained silent and simply waved to me when they turned to go.**_

_** I stood there, pumping gas and mulling over what was said, with a mix of emotions over Embry's reaction to me. He was almost stand offish, not rude but certainly not the friendly, always cracking a joke Embry that I remembered. I quickly paid for my fuel and headed to the grocery store. **_

_**My mind was so busy that I became distracted, and was only half paying attention to the long grocerie list I was blankly staring at in aisle four of the supermarket.**_

_**"Bella?" I heard a voice from behind me cut through the hazy fog of my thoughts. I turned to see Emily there. Her pretty smile as lovely as I remembered it to be.**_

_**"Emily?" I replied, letting out an audible gasp at seeing a small baby bump under her red sweater. "You're..."**_

_**"About six months pregnant with a baby boy." She finished for me, laughter escaping her with her hand lingering over her growing belly.**_

_**I hugged her then, unable to contain my joy for her. "Wow... you look amazing. Congratulations."**_

_**"Thanks Bella. I was hoping we'd run into each other here at some point."**_

_**"Yeah, I've been meaning to drop by I just..." I paused, finding myself embarrassed to admit that all my free time had been spent with Jacob.**_

_**"Hey, it's okay. No worries. It's just nice to see you again. I heard you were back in town."**_

_**"I'm sure Jake told you." I said with a small laugh. It soon faded when I saw all laughter disappear abruptly from Emily. Her look growing nervous and unsure.**_

_**"Well... We uh... I mean things aren't..." She stopped, nervously adjusting the weight of her full basket of groceries.**_

_**Sam suddenly rounded the corner, meeting us there at the end of the aisle. I nearly dropped the basket in my hands when he lifted his face to meet my gaze.**_

_**Angry scars, in a shade of dark pink, lined his face and ran jaggedly down his neck. My eyes unwillingly followed the trail they made and saw them continue down to his chest, seeing them there from the few buttons he had left open on the flannel shirt he wore. **_

_**My eyes grew wide, following the trail further down to his arms, where the prominent scars grew from thin lines to wide gashes. I tried to suck in a breath and look away, but it was too late. H**__**e had already seen my horrified reaction. I reigned it in, to the best of my ability, and watched as his expression grew angry.**_

_**"You're really back here, huh." He said in a clipped tone to me. Acid dripping from it.**_

_**"Sam..." Emily cautioned, placing a hand on his arm. He roughly pulled it away from her, his eyes set on my own.**_

_**"I'll be out in the truck Emily. I'll wait for you there." He said, kissing her on the cheek and abruptly leaving us without so much as another word.**_

_**I stared after him, feeling my stomach churn uneasily. He had never spoken so coldly to me.**_

_**"I'm really very sorry, Bella." I heard Emily Say from beside me. Her voice small now.**_

_**"No... It's okay." I replied, in an attempt to reassure her, even though I myself was reeling from the encounter with him.**_

_**"I better be going, but maybe we can catch up later? Grab some coffee together?"**_

_**"Yea... I would love that." I replied, nodding frantically at her and still feeling like someone had slapped me across the face. **_

_**Sam was known for his strength and knowledge, and to see him like that was hard to take. Emily pulled me into a hug, whispering into my ear before pulling away to leave.**_

_**"It's not really you. I'm sorry. I'm glad you're back home."**_

_**I nodded to her and gave her hand a gently squeeze as she turned on her heel to head for the long lines at the check out counter.**_

_**I watched her as she walked away and tried to return to my own shopping, aimlessly walking in a daze from aisle to aisle while glancing down at the list in my hands and pulling the items half numbly from the shelves.**_

_**When I reached the end of my list, I made my own way to the check out and waited in the massive lines that seemed to move slower than damn molasses in winter. My mind began to wonder as I waited there and shuffled along as the line slowly progressed one individual at a time.**_

_**What the hell had happened when I left for Jacksonville? And why did I get the feeling that everyone was being so freaking secretive about it? The way Quil had silenced Embry when he found out I may not be here long term. And now seeing Sam and Emily. I shuttered at the memory of the ragged scars along his body. I clutched the basket in my hands a little tighter as I tried to piece this jigsaw puzzle together. Sam's scars looked exactly like Emily's now. Only deeper and more angry in appearance, which fathomed me because wolfs were supposed to heal. Without that ability, Jacob wouldn't have made it after he was attacked by the newborn vampire in the battle with Victoria and her army that Spring. I shuttered again at that memory. This didn't make sense. I heard the Cashier speak to me, breaking me away from my train of thoughts.**_

_**"Miss? Are you ready?" She asked. **_

_**I nodded and hurried to place my many items on the conveyer belt to move along so the impatient customers behind me wouldn't be put out from my sluggish ways. I was through with check out and back in my truck in no time. I sat there, feeling utterly lost in thought. What the hell was going on here?**_

_**A few minutes later, I pulled into my empty driveway and unloaded the many bags of groceries into the house. I was putting things away when there was a loud knock on the front door. I swiftly finished putting the canned goods away and went to answer it, my heart leaping into my throat to see Sam standing there on the porch. His eyes down cast at first.**_

_**He slowly raised his head as he spoke. "I owe you an apology. I'm sorry for my demeanor at the store."**_

_**His tone was remorseful and sincere and one I could not ignore. I stepped gingerly out to meet him on the porch.**_

_**"It's... okay. I mean I... shouldn't have..."**_

_**"Stared." Sam finished the thought for me. "Who can blame you." **_

_**His tone sounded so defeated now, that I moved without thinking and hugged him. Sam had done a lot for me in the past. If it weren't for him and the pack, Victoria could have killed me that day. They were just as committed to my safety as the Cullen's had been then. All of them made countless sacrifices and all of them meant a great deal to me.**_

_**To my surprise, he hugged me back. I was expecting the hug to remind me of Jake's, simply because of the similarity they shared in raised body temperature, but instead he felt normal to me. The same way Charlie felt when he hugged me. I took note of this when he released me and resigned myself to keeping my eyes on his face only, looking past the marks and remembering who he was.**_

_**"You're still good with weird..." He sighed, stepping inside with me so we could talk.**_

_**"I try to be." I replied in a genuine tone.**_

_**"Well... thanks for understanding. Emily was pretty upset when she came out for the way I had behaved in the store. I was wrong for being an ass."**_

_**I grew silent and sat down next to him. Listening intently to what he said.**_

_**"Things changed when you left. I'm not alpha anymore. Not even in the pack."**_

_**My breath hitched when he said this. His tone was low and full of pain when he spoke.**_

_**"That's Jake's role now. It's been his all along. I was a shoe in. Jake has the birthright and he claimed it."**_

_**I wanted to smile at the pride I felt for Jake, but didn't because something inside me told me that this was just the beginning to the underlying truth.**_

_**Sam cleared his throat and continued after a few brief moments. "Has Jake told you ... anything?" He asked.**_

_**I shook my head in reply, hating how disconnected that made me feel from Jacob. He used to tell me everything.**_

_**Sam hesitated, his jaw growing tight as he leaned forward, placing his elbows on his knees.**_

_**"I shouldn't be the one to tell you. It's something that Jacob should get the chance to tell you."**_

_**"What happened Sam?" I asked, wanting to know the truth and feeling tired of being left in the dark.**_

_**Just as he opened his mouth to continue, there was another knock on the door. Sams eyes grew wide and met mine as he rose to his feet. **__**I reluctantly opened the door to see Jake there with Billy. They were a whole hour early and the timing could not have been worse. **_

_**"Hey Bells." Jake greeted me, his tone warm and affectionate. **_

_**"Sorry we're early, dear. I see Sams truck out there, didn't mean to intrude." Billy lightly chuckled as Jake wheeled him in through the front door I held open.**_

_**"That's okay" I replied, trying to keep the mood light for everyone's sake.**_

_**Sam glanced to me before shaking Billy's offered hand. The tension in the air thick and heavy. Jake's eyes met Sams briefly before Sam jetted out in hurried fashion. He said a quick goodbye to me before jogging down the porch stairs and climbing into his truck.**_

_**My heart twisted painfully as I went back into the kitchen and began dicing up vegetables for the chicken stew I should have had cooking thirty minutes ago.**_

_**I was mildly aware of Jake entering the kitchen behind me, his arms wrapping around my waist. He was quiet, not saying anything while I chopped the carrots and celery into little bits. The days events and run ins, weighing heavily on my mind. Try as I may, I knew in my heart that I couldn't ignore the inevitable any longer. Our living in blissful ignorance was no longer so blissful. I felt Jake's hand come to rest on top of mine, as I laid the knife down on the counter and slowly turned in his arms to face him.**_

_**I placed my hands on his chest and glanced up to see his deep brown eyes full of fear before either of us uttered a single word.**_

_**"Bells... I... " He began, seeming to struggle, his eyes searching mine and reminding me of a time when he was in my room unable to tell me that he was a werewolf. I took his face in my hands and drew myself closer into him.**_

_**"We need to talk about this later. And I'm not even sure I know what 'this' is, but I promise to listen and to try to understand because there's nothing you can't tell me Jacob Ephraim."**_

_**He nodded to me, his hands coming to rest on my hips. I didn't know what I was in for but I knew that I never wanted Jacob to feel he couldn't tell me something... anything. No matter how ugly it may be.**_


	8. Chapter 8

**_A/N: Thanks to everyone who read and reviewed! Hope you guys like this next chapter :) Happy Reading!_**

**_CHAPTER EIGHT_**

**_(JPOV)_**

_**Time had seemed to slip away from me. It had been almost a month since Bells had come back home. The days flew by, leaving me well aware that eventually, my time of denial would inevitably run out and I would be faced with the demons of my past. Each of them threatening hourly to resurface their ugly head into my present, and rip away the one person who meant the world to me. There would be times I would wake up first thing in the morning and feel okay. For a few fleeting seconds, I would forget it all, and leave my past where it belonged - In the past. But then it would slam into me, forcing me to remember. This had been the way I awoke each day for months now.**_

_**Bella being back with me felt so good, so right, that I would push that fear down and pretend everything was fine. Like throwing white paint on a canvas to cover your screwed up work from before. I knew it was absolute bullshit for me to carry on this way. But every time I would find myself in an intimate moment with Bella, and open my mouth to tell her the truth, the fear of it ripping us apart would overwhelm me and make me shut my mouth again. There were times she would meet my gaze and I swore she saw right through me. Making my damn fear increase ten fold.**_

_**I was fortunate enough to have my work at the shop now to keep my hands busy five days a week. I got lucky to have the position offered to me. My fathers friend, Clark Emerson, was the one who gave me the job and I was grateful. In the small town we lived in, work wasn't always easy to come by, let alone without a College degree, something I had every intention of getting but had yet to achieve.**_

_**Most days, I would get up before dawn and head to work early, just to be consumed with something other than my own maddening thoughts. Anything to get away from my obsessive inner monologue. I would busy myself entirely in my work at the shop, elbow deep in grease and not focusing on anything but the job given to me for the day. Thoughts of Bella would always trickle in though. She would call me when I took lunch on occasion, just to see how my day was going. The sound of her sweet voice alone would make me smile. We had slipped into the most comfortable routine. It was easy, simple and amazing. Something I never thought I would get to have with her. **_

_**We would spend time just laughing together. Her laughter was one of the sweetest sounds I had ever heard. I loved to hear her crack up over something I did or her tripping over her own two feet, which was almost a weekly occurrence. She intoxicated me, leaving me feeling almost euphoric when I would return home. On more than one occasion, she would call me in the middle of the night, wanting me there with her. I would got to her, without hesitation and sneak in through her slightly opened bedroom window. She would leave it that way on purpose, just enough of an opening for me to slip my hand under. **_

_**On the nights I had to run patrol with the pack, I'd end up heading straight to her house after, slipping in as quietly as I could, so Charlie wouldn't find out. Sometimes she'd wait up for me. Other times, she'd be fast asleep in bed and I'd linger there by her window, just staring at the woman I wanted to grow old with. The woman I longed to have a life with. My guilt would hit me like a brick to the stomach when I'd think of the truth I was withholding from her. I'd push it down and reign in my guilt just long enough to lay with her, to wrap my arms around her and feel her inch herself backwards, huddling into me. I had been keeping a certain amount of distance between us physically, intimately speaking, for the last few weeks because my damn guilt wouldn't allow me to cross that line with her again until I came clean. This was torture for me and hell on her. The sexual tension was so thick between us, it was damn near palpable at times. Something else my past was now fucking up. **_

_**I treasured all the talks we had shared, and the memories we'd reflected on since she came home. I selfishly wanted to erase my past and never face it again, all the while knowing how incredibly naïve this thinking was. I knew I was walking a thin line between feigning ignorance and out right deception. Either way, I was the one who would pay the ultimate price for my wrong doings in the end. I could only pray that it wouldn't be the end of Bella and I. Any fate would have been less painful for me to endure than that of losing her. I was on borrowed time, and equally aware of it.**_

_**So when I came home from a long shift at the shop, to see my father sitting at the table with a grave expression on his face, I knew that my time with this charade may well be up. The hour glass threatening to empty itself of any remaining sand, leaving me at it's mercy and on my knees begging it for more. **__**I set my tools down on the table, taking off my work boots and meeting my fathers grim gaze. He sighed heavily, shaking his head and glancing down toward the phone on the table before him.**_

_**"Emily just called."**_

_**Three seemingly simple words sent my fear soaring, feeling my chest tighten with anxiety at his remark. I nodded to him, my eyes going to the phone and knowing before he even spoke of it what Emily had called about.**_

_**"She knows... Right? Bella knows?" I asked, my tone low with him.**_

_**"No... Yes... I don't know." Billy replied, still shaking his head.**_

_**"What do you mean you don't know?" I asked tensely, growing frustrated.**_

_**My father, hearing the raw edge to my tone, snapped his head up to lock eyes with me. **_

_**"I mean I don't know, Jacob. That's what I mean! I told you to tell her. Weeks ago!" He replied, taking a harsher tone than normal with me.**_

_**I shook my head angrily and stripped off my shirt to head outside and straight for the woods. The tremors rocking wildly through my body.**_

_**"Jacob!" My father yelled, bringing me up short a few feet from the front door. "You cannot solve this with what you're about to do, and you, my son, damn well know that! Now sit down."**_

_**I balled my hands into fists and slowly turned back around to him. "What the hell am I supposed to do!" I yelled back angrily.**_

_**"You should have told her before now... Before you got so involved. Now look at the mess you're in. Why Jacob? Why didn't you come clean with her before now?" He retorted.**_

_**"You don't think I haven't tried? That I haven't looked at her a million damn times since she's been home, and not tried like hell to tell her the truth and rid myself of that guilt?" I shouted back at him. Feeling myself grow angrier by the minute, further losing any resolve I had left.**_

_**My father pounded his fist on the table. "You knew this would happen! You knew that she would eventually come back and you would have to face what you did! Not telling her is doing her no damn favors, Jacob. This is a small town! For shit's sake, I thought you'd figured out how big the chances were of her running into Samuel! Now it looks like you've deliberately kept something from her." He yelled back at me, throwing his newspaper down to the floor at my feet.**_

_**I opened my mouth to continue our fight, but bit my tongue, forcing myself to shut the hell up and remember that this was my father and that he didn't deserve my anger or my disrespect. What I had done was all on me. No one else. **_

_**I went into the bathroom to shower, without uttering another angry word to him. I slammed the door behind me, feeling my frustration peak as I stared at my reflection in the mirror, before turning the shower on. I scrubbed the grease off me and got cleaned up for dinner at Bella's. My throat feeling like it was closing more by the minute, pondering the many ways that this would all blow up in my face soon. **_

_**It was a cruel joke that the world had played on me really... Giving me back the one person who I lived for, only to have her coldly ripped away from me because of a choice I should have never made in the first damn place. Life was cruel that way I suppose. Giving you a taste of what your true happiness could feel like, only for it to slip through your very fingers in the blink of an eye. **_

_**I paced back and forth in my room after I got dressed, my head spinning and my fear closing itself in around me. If I didn't get a grip and reign this in, Bella would surely take one look at me and know something was up. We had a way of reading each other without really even having to try. It came so easy, so natural and it made keeping anything from her almost impossible. What do you do when you have all you've ever wanted in your hands and a lie lingering on your lips?**_

_**I sat down in my room, placing my head in my hands and trying to figure out a way to tell her the truth without losing her in the process. A knock on my door caused me to break my train of thought and look up. My father met my gaze as he wheeled himself into my room.**_

_**"Look son, you can't keep this up. In the end, it will be worse for the both of you if you do. She'll under-"**_

_**"You don't know that!" I interjected in a clipped tone.**_

_**"And you don't know that she won't, Jacob. You two have been through a lot before and if she came back here to you, she'll choose to stand beside you when you need her, too. I know this is eating at you, and it should be, but Bella won't just toss what you have together aside for a mistake you made before she returned home. Now, come on, it's time to go. Don't want to keep them waiting."**_

_**I rose to my feet, grabbing my leather jacket and helping my father out of the house and into the truck. The ride to Bella's felt like it took me twice the time it normally did. Each fucking mile would pass agonizingly slow and I would reflexively tighten my grip on the steering wheel. The many miles passed until I was soon pulling the truck up to her house. My hand lingering on the keys in the ignition and feeling the dread, thick and heavy, secure itself within me. I switched off the truck and heard my father's low tone come from beside me.**_

_**"Jacob..."**_

_**I lifted my head, hearing the clear nervousness in his voice now, and seeing why when my eyes fell on Sam's truck parked behind Bella's. I felt my throat constrict when I stepped out, seeing he was in there with her. My father's cautionary tone lingering in the air when I helped him out of the truck and into his chair.**_

_**"Son... Have faith." He reminded me as we approached the front door. **_

_**Yea... Faith... I was gonna need a whole hell of a lot more than just faith to get me through tonight.**_

_**My tremors began the moment Bella answered the door and let us in. Sam rising to his feet and meeting my stare immediately. My father wheeled himself away from us and shook his hand. My eyes going to Bella who was now beside me. Her eyes glued to my fathers hand shake with Sam momentarily, before she said goodbye to him. He walked past me, his eyes on mine as he left the house. I heard his truck start and the engine rev when he left. My father's gaze following Bella as she went to the kitchen. I followed his stare and knew by just how silent she was, that the wheels in her beautiful head were already turning. I shook my head, looking to the floor briefly and feeling my heart constrict painfully, as I stood there wishing we hadn't reached this point yet. The hourglass from before now shattering before me, leaving me no hope of ever refilling it with sand to buy us more time.**_

_**I lifted my head, feeling my father's knowing eyes on me and meeting them once, as I headed in behind her, stopping in the entryway of the kitchen and forcing myself to go to her. My steps were slow and deliberate as I approached, placing myself directly behind her and wrapping my arms around waist, slowly drawing her into me. She stopped what she was doing, a heavy sigh coming from her as I placed my chin on her shoulder, resting my hand over hers when she laid the knife down of the counter. Her heart was beating erratically within her chest. The fear I felt from before grew to a new intensity when she turned herself to look me in the eyes, my own looking back and silently begging her to forgive me. **_

_**"Bells... I" I sighed, my tone strained already. **_

_**I looked away from her, unable to hold her stare now. She moved herself closer to me in response, placing her hands on either side of my face and forcing me to look at her. It was now or never. I owed her the truth and I was gonna give it to her. I swallowed hard once more, knowing how much I stood to lose in this very night with her. I had known all too well what that felt like. It's not the kind of sadness where you cry all the time, though I had done that more than once over her, but it's more like the kind of sadness that overwhelms your entire body, leaving your heart aching and your stomach empty. Making you feel weak and tired from it and yet you can't even sleep cause the sadness is in your dreams too. It's a sadness you can't escape from. I knew this for a fact because I had tried that route in the past. Losing Bella was the kind of heartache I could feel in my bones and I could only hope I wouldn't have to feel that kind of pain again.**_

_**I heard Charlie's voice come from the living room as Bella placed a soft kiss on my lips.**_

_**"We need to talk about this later. And I'm not even sure what 'this' is, but I promise to listen and try to understand because there's nothing you can't tell me, Jacob Ephraim."**_

_**I nodded to her, feeling her hug me reassuringly. I tightened my arms around her, closing my eyes and dreading the conversation that would inevitably have to take place later.**_

_**The evening seemed to drag by. The clock slowly ticking away and the hours passing. I tried to eat something at dinner for Bella's sake alone. Her hand reaching for mine under the table, listening to Billy and Charlie carry on and on about who owed who the twenty dollar wager they had placed on the game tonight. I was too lost in thought to pay much attention. It wasn't until I felt Charlie nudge into me, as he passed by me in the kitchen that I tore myself away from my thoughts.**_

_**"What's with you, son?" Awful silent tonight?"**_

_**I simply shrugged and shook my head in reply. "Nothing really... just uh... Work related issues."**_

_**He nodded, his eyes going to Bella and then back to me. I'm sure he was not oblivious to the silence that lingered on between Bella and I after dinner. She kept herself busy in the kitchen with clean up and I knew it was her way of pondering things over, trying to draw her own conclusion as to what could be going on. I felt my father's eyes on me every once in a while and hated to think what would transpire soon enough. She would learn how losing her before had brought out the devil in me.**_

_**I sat there with them and pretended to watch the game while waiting for Bella. She soon emerged from the kitchen, her eyes going straight to mine. **_

_**"Uh dad... Jake and I were thinking of heading out for a while. Need anything?"**_

_**"No... Not that I can think of." He replied, only half paying attention to us, being fully engrossed in the game with my father.**_

_**"We'll be back later." She sighed, slipping on her jacket as I got to my feet, already feeling like I wanted to puke. Fear of losing what you loved most in this world will do that to a person.**_

_**I numbly threw on my jacket and followed her out to her truck. She turned and handed me the keys. "Can you drive us your house?"**_

_**I nodded, my throat feeling constricted, making it hard to reply. She remained silent on the drive to my house, scooting herself over in the middle when we were half way there. Her head coming to rest on my shoulder the same way it used to when we were younger and I would drive her home. My mind flooded with memories of our past. Her hand tightening in mine when we pulled into my empty driveway. The rain started to fall as I cut the engine. We sat there in complete silence for a few moments. My hand reluctantly leaving hers. **_

_**My insides were screaming at me to shut my mouth, my inner thoughts shouting profusely that I would lose her if she knew the truth. I looked over to see her stare blankly ahead as she spoke.**_

_**"When I left Forks two years ago, I was running from myself and I didn't take the time to stop and think about just how selfish that was. How selfish it all was." She sighed, turning her head my way. "Everyone make's mistakes, Jacob. So whatever it is you're about to tell me now, don't think it will make me run from you. There's nothing... absolutely nothing you could ever do that would make me run from you or think less of you. It's not possible."**_

_**I watched her closely get out of the truck. The rain now pouring down in buckets and soaking her as she walked around and met me at the driver's side door. Her hand taking mine and lacing our fingers together. "Come on." She said, walking us into my garage and away from everything and everyone. I closed the garage door behind us and switched on the flood lamp, seeing her glance up at me with expectation.**_

_**My nerves got the better of me, causing me to release her hand and turn away from her. I felt like someone had me by throat before I had even opened my mouth. I knew that this would be a defining moment for us. She would either forgive me or walk away from me.**_

_**"You used to tell me everything." I heard her softly say.**_

_**"I know." I replied, trying to find the courage to turn around and face her.**_

_**I soon felt her hug me from behind. "Tell me... Please."**_

_**"Okay..." I replied, taking a deep breath and turning to face her, feeling my heart clench as I began to finally spill the truth. "When you left... You took a part of me with you, Bells. A piece of who I was went with you and I didn't know how to cope. I didn't know how to get that part of myself back... To stop the hurt, because I never told you the truth before..." **_

_**I paused and felt my hands begin to shake. Bella took them in hers and shook her head in confusion. "The truth?"**_

_**"I never told you the truth and I should have. Back then and now."**_

_**"Jake... What are you trying to say? I mean wh-" She began, her eyes meeting mine. **_

_**"Losing you was the hardest thing for me. I didn't know who I was anymore, Bella. I didn't work right without you."**_

_**"I know me taking off like that wasn't fair to you -"**_

_**"It's not that." I quickly interjected, releasing her hands and walking out around her. I shook my head, feeling hopeless in this situation. There was no way to avoid telling her the absolute truth. All of it.**_

_**"Then what is it? " She asked.**_

_**I couldn't seem to get the words out as I stood there, my back to her. **_

_**"Is it... someone else?" She asked, the scared tone to her voice catching my attention and forcing me to turn back around.**_

_**"No Bells. There is no one else. Not in the way you think."**_

_**She nodded once, shifting her weight nervously from one foot to the other.**_

_**"You could tell me if there were. I mean, I was the one who left and I would be naïve to think you... weren't with someone in my absence."**_

_**I fell silent for a moment, trying to be honest with her was proving to be more difficult by the minute. I didn't want to hide half the truth from her. That was still lying in my book. Lying by omission was still lying.**_

_**"After you left for Jacksonville, I lost myself for a while. I had lost you and you were that compass for me. Without you, I just wasn't myself. I did some things I'm ashamed of. Things that I never thought I would and things I wished, now more than ever, I hadn't." I took a deep breath and met her gaze, pushing myself forward to continue, despite my immense fear of what her reaction would be. "I took off for a while. Ran away like I had when I got your wedding invitation in the mail. I took off in the middle of the night, about a month after you'd left. Paul ended up running off with me. Said that Sam had ordered him to go with me, keep an eye on me. I needed to get the hell away from here. You were everywhere I looked, Bells. Memories of us and what we could have been... should have been... they surrounded me at every turn. So I left my father a note and took off. I ran for weeks in wolf form, just being in the wild and trying to discover who the hell I was again without you. We'd stop only long enough to phase back into human form and get wasted at some local run down bar. We'd end up crashing for the night in some cheap ass hotel and take off before dawn the next day."**_

_**I watched in horror, as her brown eyes clouded with unshed tears. The sight of them made me want to stop the conversation cold where it was, but the small voice inside my head reminded me that I couldn't. **__**I cleared my throat and continued. "I stayed that way for over a year. Just running the woods, from state to state, and not allowing myself to feel much of anything. I went with instinct and followed wherever the animal in me lead me to. It was all in an asinine attempt to forget ... us..."**_

_**Bella nodded but remained silent, allowing me to further continue.**_

_**"After a while, I forgot what it was like to be human... to be me. The person I was changed and became angry and bitter and cruel. I didn't want to be me anymore. I wanted to stay in animal form and live that way. I felt like it was better for everyone involved because when I was home, I would selfishly spread my misery around. Even my father told me I was different before I left. I drank a lot... almost every night. Shot my damn mouth off when I shouldn't have, on more than one occasion, and didn't give two shits who I hurt in the process. I got angry at just about anything. Something so simple would set me off. I'd see Charlie and think of you and miss you so fucking much that my insides hurt. I missed the little things. Like the way the sun would light up your face, or the way you'd smile at me. The sound of your voice. I never thought that all those little things would come to mean everything to me. The moment that you left me, my heart was split in two. One side was filled with memories and the other was filled with you. I became more bitter with time and I had no care for others anymore. No real limits and the lack of them invited a lack of respect. I was trying to stop myself from holding onto something I knew would probably never happen, even though somewhere deep inside of me, I had this stupid hope that someday it still would. It was a hope that was slowly killing me and I hated that. I wanted to rid myself of it and on the nights it remained, I'd selfishly find other ways to rip it out of me."**_

_**I slowly lifted my head to see Bella's eyes fill with new tears, ones that ran down her cheeks, making me hate myself for hurting her with the truth. I knew it had to be said, but it sure as hell didn't make it any fucking easier.**_

_**"Other ways?" She whispered.**_

_**"Yea... Other ways. I was desperate to stop the hurt and filled my nights with alcohol and ..."**_

_**"Women?" She asked timidly. I kept my eyes on the floor now, unable to bring myself to look at her out of shame.**_

_**"Only one..." **_

_**Bella didn't speak, the silence between us deafening and unsettling. **_

_**"Bells... I -"**_

_**"Who? Who was she?"**_

_**"Leah Clearwater." I admitted, lifting my head to meet her eyes with my own.**_

_**"She... She was with you, too?" She asked, emotion raw in her tone.**_

_**"Leah came out to bring Paul back, to relieve him of being my keeper, so to speak. Sam sent her about two months before I came back home. I told her I was fine, but she claimed it was an order Sam had directly given her. She was far from thrilled about it at first. We fought constantly. It was hell for the both of us the first few weeks... Things changed one night. We were both wasted and it was driven by the hurt we both shared. I now understood how she felt after she had lost Sam. We... were both a mess. It meant nothing. To either of us. We both knew it was only physical. A way to forget for a while. To numb the pain. When we came back home months ago, we never spoke of it or repeated the same damn mistake again. Leah is really happy now with a guy she met in college. She's introduced him to Sue and Seth talks about how happy she is all the time. She's not home often so he fills us in every once in a while. He doesn't know about us and I swore to keep it that way, but Leah let her thoughts slip one afternoon when they were on a patrol run and Sam was there."**_

_**Bella's audible gasp stopped me. My eyes on hers and my throat feeling thick with emotion upon seeing the tears still running down her face. Seeing her like that made my own heart ache to fix it. I inwardly cringed and forced myself to tell her the rest when I saw her shake her head.**_

_**"We had only been home a week before it slipped and he found out. I was out on a separate patrol run with Quil and Embry when he found out. We were in my back yard when he came to find me there. He was furious with me. I was..." **__**I paused, feeling the emotion take hold of me at the memory. My eyes burning with angry tears. "I wasn't myself anymore. Sam challenged me right there. Threatening to have me banned from La'Push land for what I'd done with Leah. Told me I had used her selfishly for my own needs. Maybe I had." I sighed, my hands shaking.**_

_**"I tried to walk away from him, but he wouldn't let it go. He told me as Alpha he had the absolute right and authority to ban me. I snapped... I was so damn angry and before I could stop myself, I lost all control. I let all the hate and all the anger consume in that moment with him. I took his power away from him. We fought until we couldn't anymore. Until he was cowering beneath me and I had stripped his title from him and took it as my own. He nearly died. I... almost... killed him. He lost all of who he was that day. He stopped even trying to phase after that. I took his spirit from him and I would give anything to go back, Bella. But I can't... I can't." **_

_**I slowly turned around to see Bella's eyes wide. Her hands coming up to her mouth, trying to silence the single sob that broke from her as she shook her head in disbelief. "No... It was an accident. You weren't yourself... You're -" **_

_**"A monster..." I finished for her, feeling the tears stream down my face in reflection to her own.**_

_**Bella crossed the garage, closing the distance between us and throwing herself into my arms. **_

_**"Don't say that, Jacob." She cried.**_

_**"It's true." I replied, tightening my hold on her.**_

_**"No it's not." She breathed, pulling back and locking eyes with me. "Please stop saying that. That's not who you are, Jacob. That mistake doesn't define you. It doesn't make you who you are. I left you here and didn't take any of your calls. I cut you out. I hurt you."**_

_**"Doesn't excuse what I did." I retorted, lowering my head in shame and gazing down to the floor.**_

_**"You're anything but a monster, Jacob. You're the best person I know. This mistake doesn't change how I see you. It doesn't change what you mean to me." She lifted my face to meet her gaze. "It doesn't change the fact that ... I love you."**_

_**I stared back at her in disbelief at the words that had just left her beautiful mouth.**_

_**"It's true. I love you, Jacob. All of you. Through the good and the bad. The past and the present."**_

_**I couldn't seem to make myself believe what she was saying. Hadn't she just heard all I'd done? **_

_**"How can you not think less of me?" I breathed in question to her, resting my forehead against hers.**_

_**"Because I know who you are. I know what kind of person you are. And I love that person."**_

_**I felt her hands reach down and take my own as I looked into her eyes, seeing the sincerity in them. **__**"I have never loved anyone the way I love you, Bells. You're my everything. My best friend. My other half... " I paused, feeling the last few words threaten to choke me before I got them out. I swallowed hard and willed myself to tell her the last bit of truth I had been keeping from her.**__** "You're my whole world. My heart... My soul... My imprint."**_


End file.
